Crazy Love
by SilverSeahorse
Summary: I can hear her heart beat from a thousand miles... And the heaven opens everytime she smiles... A chance meeting between two completely different people sets the scene for a love neither knew could exist. Main RR, eventual background CM. Please R&R.
1. Chapter One

**Crazy Love**

A/N: Hello! My other Friends fics have died a death, but I really am going to seriously try to keep this one up, mainly because I like the concept and actually have a proper idea of what's going to happen! So yeah basically at some points you might have to suspend disbelief a little to join my world of Friends-land, but it's all good. I like AUs and this is one. All the gang are it in, but Rachel and Monica aren't living together and don't know each other – at least, not very well. Other than that it'll all become pretty clear as you read!

The title of the fic is a song by Van Morrison (covered by Thea Gilmore, whose version I am using in my head for this fic!) and I thought we'd start with a sing-along to get us in the mood.

_I can hear her heart beat from a thousand miles_

_And the heaven opens every time she smiles_

_And when I come to her that's where I belong_

_Yet I run into her like a river's song_

_She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love_

_She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love_

_Fine sense of humour when I'm feeling low down_

_And when I come to her when the sun goes down_

_Take away my trouble, take away my grief_

_Take away my heartache in the night like a thief_

_She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love_

_She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love_

_And I need her in the daytime_

_And I need her in the night_

_And I want to throw my arms around her _

_Kiss and hug her kiss and hug her tight_

_And when I'm returning from so far away_

_Gives me some sweet lovin' brightens up my day_

_Yet it makes me righteous, yes it makes me whole_

_Yet it makes me mellow down into my soul_

We'll have chances for more singing later. Right now though, on with the fic!

**Chapter One**

Rachel wrinkled her nose as she followed her best friend Phoebe into the dingy club. The term 'dive' would be much too kind for this place, Rachel mused as she squeezed past people, clutching Phoebe's hand to ensure they didn't get separated. Usually the two of them would be sitting in their flat watching cheesy sitcoms and dodgy quiz shows, but for some reason Phoebe had decided it was time they went out and did something else. Rachel didn't mind that idea – she thought it might do her some good – but she felt she had to question the wisdom of coming somewhere that looked as if it might have died in the past week without anybody noticing.

"Hey, Pheebs!" Rachel had to yell over the combined din of thumping music and buzzing voices, and it wasn't until they'd finally pushed their way to the bar that Phoebe heard her name being called.

"I'll get us drinks!" was what she shouted in reply, and Rachel rolled her eyes. "This is cool, isn't it! There's a live band on soon too!"

Rachel opened her mouth to protest back, but she found she didn't have the heart, especially when Phoebe handed her a vodka and Diet Coke. It wouldn't hurt to give the club a chance, and anyway they didn't have to stay long if it turned out to be worse under the surface of its charmless exterior.

"Seats!" Phoebe grabbed Rachel's free hand five minutes later and pulled her over to a small table situated right next to the even smaller stage set up a few feet above what Rachel supposed was the dancefloor area. It was good to sit down, Rachel thought, as they sipped their drinks and began a shouted conversation about the following weekend, when Rachel was going to her parents' house, and Phoebe was invited to come along.

About half an hour after they arrived, the music dulled to a much quieter hum, and the lights came up a little. Rachel gave Phoebe a quizzical look, which was refracted with one of knowledge.

"This will be the band coming on," she said, nodding. "No idea who they are, but Molly says there's always live music on in here on Saturday nights. Might be good," she added hopefully, and Rachel agreed.

"Yeah, probably!" She smiled at a man who she noticed staring at her from the other side of the bar, and then there was movement on the stage as three guys and a girl appeared from behind a shabby-looking curtain, all clutching either instruments or microphones. Rachel was surprised four people could even fit on the minute stage, but apparently this wasn't a problem as they set up quickly. The sole girl was adjusting her microphone at the front of the stage, and as she glanced around the crowded club, she caught Rachel's eye and smiled.

"Wow, she saw you!" Phoebe exclaimed, sounding far more excited than the occasion merited, in Rachel's opinion. Still, she thought the three accompanying men all looked pretty good. The one with the second mic was, as far as Rachel could tell, sort of Italian, with dark features. The two at the back with the instruments were also cute, in entirely different ways. One was taller with nice dark eyes, and the other had a really friendly, attractive face. From her seat next to the stage, Rachel was able to watch them carefully until she decided that, given the choice, she wouldn't say no to any of them. After all, it had been way too long since her last date.

The band was introduced a few minutes later, once they'd sorted themselves out, but Rachel didn't catch the name over the roar the crowd was making. Not everyone sounded overjoyed to hear the first song, which was a cover of Van Morrison's _Brown Eyed Girl_, though Rachel liked it. The Italian guy was a really good singer and the girl was harmonising beautifully. Maybe they were too good for this joint. One look at Phoebe confirmed that she was thinking on the same lines, as she was shooting dirty looks at a couple of guys nearby who were jeering.

"That's pathetic," she spat, when she saw Rachel watching her. "They're a good band!"

Rachel nodded. "They're definitely good. I love this song!"

The band finished _Brown Eyed Girl_ and performed a couple of obscure tracks before switching to a rocked-up version of _Eternal Flame_, which the girl sang brilliantly. Most of the women in the club were singing along or swaying rather drunkenly, and Rachel linked hands with Phoebe as they belted out the lyrics.

"Say my name, sun shines through the rain, of a life so lonely and then you come and heal the pain..."

Just as Rachel giggled at how off-key she had sung that line, she glanced towards the stage again and felt her stomach do a funny flip as her eyes met those of the guy on keyboards at the back of the stage. He held her gaze, without smiling, for a good few seconds before she made herself look away again, blushing. She didn't know why, but he'd made a shiver run right down her spine from a single look. Maybe it was his eyes – they were gorgeous and very intense, even from where she was sitting.

Rachel was so caught up in her own thoughts that she didn't notice the absence of music until Phoebe touched her on the arm.

"Hey, you ok? The band's gone for a break."

"Yeah, I'm fine, just feeling tired and a bit hot." It wasn't a lie, particularly as the club really seemed to be heaving by now. Running a hand through her hair, Rachel decided she desperately needed some fresh air, and leaving Phoebe to watch their drinks, she headed for the nearest and most accessible exit. It turned out to be a side door, leading out to the back of the club, where Rachel sat on a low wall and took a few welcome deep breaths. The air was cool and crisp and refreshing, and Rachel closed her eyes, enjoying the way the breeze swept over her and made her feel ten times better already. She started dreaming about going back to the flat and snuggling in bed with a magazine and a mug of steaming hot chocolate...

"Excuse me."

Rachel's eyes flew open at the sound of the unfamiliar male voice, and she nearly fell off the wall when she realised it was the guy from the band, the one who had been staring at her not so very long ago. She couldn't help noticing how much cuter he was up close, before she remembered he'd said something and she ought to reply.

"Hi," was the best she could come up with, which annoyed her greatly. Where was her usual flirtatious banter?

The guy didn't seem to be bothered. "I was, erm, just wondering if it would be ok for me to sit here." He gestured to the wall beside Rachel, and without thinking she nodded in response. He smiled then, and she was unable to resist smiling back, as he sat down. "It's nice out here."

Rachel nodded again, before cursing herself for being so stupid. He was only another person, someone she didn't even know and who was probably just being polite.

"You guys were really good," she said at last, her voice sounding much louder in her own head. "Have you been playing long?" At least that was a decent question, she thought.

He shrugged. "Kinda. We messed around in high school, but we didn't consider taking it seriously until we got into college and auditioned for another singer. There's no way we could make a living doing this, but it's fun." He grinned again. "You look bored already."

Rachel flushed at this, realising she'd been watching him talk without really listening, especially because for some reason she had the inkling she'd seen him before. Where or when were unanswerable, but the possibility was in Rachel's mind.

"I'm not bored," she replied quickly. "I'm just amazed you kept something like that up. I don't stick with anything very long."

"Well, my sister's a bit of a slavedriver, so it's probably all her fault," he laughed. She decided she liked his laugh. "Hey, I never asked your name. Sorry."

"Rachel."

He held out a hand. "Nice to meet you, Rachel. I'm Ross."

She shook his hand. "Nice to meet you too, Ross." No, she couldn't place the name, but maybe it would come in time.

"So, uh, do you live nearby?" he asked, after they spent a few moments eyeing each other up shyly.

"Yeah, pretty much. I live a few blocks away with my friend Phoebe. We share a flat. How about you?"

Ross nodded. "Yup, not too far. My sister's even closer. Mind you, her apartment is way better. She has the most amazing views over the city. I spend most of my time over there these days." He stopped talking suddenly, and frowned. "Are you cold?"

Rachel hadn't even realised she was shivering a little until he mentioned it, but now she felt it. The refreshing breeze had turned into something closer to a chilly wind, and she wasn't dressed for the cold, wearing as she was a short black skirt and quite a thin top. Before she could confirm or deny his query, however, he'd taken off the blue shirt he wore over his T-shirt, and was placing it around her shoulders.

"Here, this might help," he said kindly. "I should probably head back inside soon."

Snapping out of the trance created by his closeness, Rachel agreed. "Oh yeah, of course. I should too, I guess. Phoebe will be wondering where I am."

He smiled again. "Ok. Well, uh, it was really nice meeting you, Rachel. I'll see you later." And with that, he disappeared back into the club, leaving Rachel sitting on the wall alone, lost in thought until the frosty air got the better of her and she too went inside.

"There you are!" Phoebe looked exceptionally glad to see Rachel when she returned to the table. "These girls came over and tried to make me move. I really had to put my foot down!"

Rachel laughed, imagining what Phoebe might have done. She was about to ask when Phoebe said, "What's that you're wearing?"

The shirt! It was so comfortable that Rachel had forgotten she still had it on. It was definitely too big for her but in a good way, and it smelled great. It smelled of him, the mysterious guy she'd only just met. This was so unlike her. Rachel never usually found herself wondering what it would be like to kiss a man she didn't know, but something about this was different. She couldn't put her finger on it, and she certainly wasn't going to tell Phoebe, who would think she was crazy.

"Oh, erm, I got cold outside so some guy said I could have his shirt," she explained, looking down at the garment. "I'd give it back except I can't remember what he looks like." That was, of course, a complete lie, because she could remember exactly what he looked like, and in particular, the way he'd looked at her when he was draping the shirt around her. As if he felt it too. Rachel laughed shortly. Now that idea was bordering on crazy.

"Rach, are you ok? You look a bit weird." Phoebe was peering at her with friendly concern, and Rachel nodded enthusiastically.

"I'm fine! Probably just pale from being outside."

And that was that. The band came on stage just then and began playing some more songs, which made Phoebe's attention to Rachel waver and then cease altogether. This was fine by Rachel, who took the opportunity to study Ross as he contributed to the band's music. He didn't seem to sing much, but that didn't matter. He looked so intense, concentrating on what he was doing, that it made her shiver again.

When their final song was finished, the band thanked everyone for listening to them and then retreated from the stage, taking their equipment with them. Rachel wondered what it was like to be part of something that had lasted from high school. Sure, in high school she had been in all the clubs and societies, as well as being as cheerleader and all that stuff, but none of that meant anything beyond graduation. It was different when you had to grow up and realise it hadn't really meant anything.

"Come on Rach, let's go before the crush starts." Phoebe grabbed her friend's hand again, and pulled her to her feet before they made their way the side door, slipping out before anyone else could move. Once outside, they started walking slowly, Rachel unable to help turning her head every few minutes, just in case there was any sign of Ross. By the tenth time, he evidently wasn't coming and Phoebe was asking questions, so Rachel gave up, heading home still wearing the shirt of a guy she didn't know.

**A/N:** So did you like? Yeah the suspending disbelief part was that they would ever be in a band and that Joey's a great singer. But hey, it's my fic world and it's gonna be a good plot, I reckon! Remember, reviewing makes you happy! Well actually it probably makes me happy too!


	2. Chapter Two

**A/N:** Hey! Thanks for the lovely reviews so far, I'm glad you're liking it! Ok, so here's the next chapter. Just to set things straight, Ross has never been married to Carol here and his wife's not a lesbian. Sorry but hey, tis my world :P And this will probably be mainly a Ross/Rachel fic, but I won't forget the others - I just can't write any of them as well as RnR. I can get deeper with these two! Oh and askterisks don't work here so when you see XXXXXXXX it's a break in the story. And it's time for this chapter's song, so even if you don't know the tune... sing along! It's by Ronan Keating & LeAnn Rimes.

_Four o'clock in the morning_

_My mind's filled with a thousand thoughts of you_

_And how you left without warning_

_Looking back I'm sure you tried to talk it through_

_And now I see it so clearly_

_We're together but living separate lives_

_So I wanna tell you I'm sorry_

_Baby I can't find the words_

_But if I could, you know I would_

_No I won't let go, know what we can be_

_I won't watch my life crashing down on me_

_Guess I had it all back there before my eyes_

_Girl I'm sorry now_

_You were the last thing on my mind_

**Chapter Two**

"Ross? Hey, Ross!"

Joey's voice snapped Ross out of the weird daydream he'd been having about the girl at the club. Rachel. She was surely the prettiest girl he'd ever seen in his life. There had been an elegance about her that was coupled with her aura of innocence, and together they made a lethal combination. He hadn't been able to stop himself following her out of the club, just to make silly small talk in the freezing air, but it had been so worth it. He'd been chivalrous and given her his shirt, and she'd smiled at him. It didn't matter that he'd just met her; he couldn't stop thinking about her.

Now, though, he was being forced to return to reality as he sat with his sister Monica and their friends Joey and Chandler, in their favourite coffee house. It opened late on Saturdays and it might not have seemed the most likely place for a band to end up, but after a gig all any of them wanted to do was wind down.

"Want another coffee?" was Joey's question, and Ross nodded absently.

"What's wrong?" Monica followed up with concern, as Joey went to get everyone's orders. Even though she was the younger sibling, Monica was the protective and responsible one of their little group. She had an incredible motherly instinct that Ross greatly admired.

"Nothing," he said unconvincingly. He couldn't very well tell them his mind was filled with a girl he didn't even know. He knew how stupid that would sound and also, how inappropriate, given the fact he'd been married for just over two years. His wife, Melissa, had stayed at home that night; she didn't like coming to horrible venues to see the band.

Monica gave him her best 'I don't believe you' look. "Ross, come on. You can tell me if something's bothering you. Is it our set tonight? 'Cause I thought it wasn't as good as last week either, there's a load of things we should change..."

"No, it's not that." It was best to cut Monica off before she got a full head of steam. "I'm just tired, that's all. I didn't think we did badly tonight at all."

"Hmm, we did ok, but there is always room for improvement!"

Chandler did a 'yes ma'am' salute while Monica was looking the other way, and Ross couldn't help laughing. Chandler always made him laugh; he had done ever since they'd been roommates in college. It had been their idea to start a band way back, but neither had ever intended to actually end up playing real clubs. It was only when Monica forced herself into the equation that they realised she was a great singer, and that they had a decent thing going on. They auditioned for a fourth member and found Joey, who turned out to know Chandler from years ago, though they had lost touch over time. And so, the band was born.

Except Ross wasn't so sure he wanted to be in the band any more. Sure, it was fun and something to do with a Saturday night, but he wasn't convinced it was worthwhile. He and Melissa hadn't been getting along in the last couple of months, and Ross was considering that maybe the time he spent doing the band thing – which, admittedly, was not all that much, seeing as they all had jobs – would be better spent saving his marriage.

But then, if he wanted to save his marriage so badly, what the hell was he doing imagining what it would be like to kiss a girl he'd only said a few sentences to?

"So I was thinking we should definitely see about playing the college union," was what Monica was saying now that Joey had returned with the drinks. "How cool would that be? Going back to how it all began." She looked nostalgic and Ross exchanged a nervous look with the other two guys.

"We can't do that, Mon, we'd be chased off campus," he said seriously, taking his coffee from the tray. "I hate to break it to you but Chandler and I were never the most popular people at college and if I remember rightly, neither were you."

Monica rolled her eyes. "So what? We're not in college now, are we? We have the upper hand! We have to go and show them what we can do! Prove they were all wrong about us!"

Chandler's fixed smile was starting to really waver. "Show them what, exactly? We're not the Beatles!"

"And I have a lot of work coming up at the museum soon," Ross shrugged, avoiding his sister's eyes, which he knew would be narrowed in his direction right now. He wasn't telling a lie – work did seem to have become more hectic lately, or maybe it was an illusion created by the fact he preferred to spend more time there than at home. Whichever, it wasn't wrong to claim a heavy load, and that was the priority over the band.

"I have an audition next weekend, too!" Joey suddenly announced, making everyone congratulate him happily. "Yeah, I know, it's a great part! I don't wanna tell you about it though, in case I jinx it."

Ross refrained from rolling his eyes and instead wished Joey luck, echoed by Monica and Chandler. Then, without warning, Ross' thoughts drifted back to the gorgeous girl in the club. There had been something in Rachel's eyes which made the breath catch in his throat, and even the memory was eliciting a scaled-down version of the effect. He wished beyond anything that he'd been smart enough to get her number, but then who was he kidding? Since when did any women as amazing as Rachel even look twice at someone like Ross? She was way out of his league and he knew it. There would have been no real point pursuing it, he told himself firmly.

It didn't help, though. He still wanted to see her again.

XXXXXXXXXX

It was a good two hours later when Ross finally stepped inside the apartment he shared with Melissa, flicking the main light on before closing the door behind him and gazing around. Nothing had changed from that morning, when Melissa had gone to work with barely two sentences said between them, except the discarded shoes by the sofa and a used glass by the sink in the kitchen. Sighing, Ross went to get a drink of water, staring out at the streets below as he thought about how his relationship with Melissa had disintegrated so dramatically. He wondered if it had started when he'd been promoted at work, but he didn't remember them having any major fights about that. In fact, she hadn't seemed bothered one way or the other. What if they'd both lost interest in each other? Maybe Monica had been right and they had got married too young. Ross was still only twenty-five, and if this was how things were going, he wasn't sure he wanted to waste time trying to salvage something unattainable.

As his eyes traced the sparkling stars visible in the clear night sky, Ross' mind once again returned to the girl from the club, and he couldn't help wondering where she was right now, and what she was doing. He didn't think there was the slightest possibility that she might be having similar thoughts, but it wasn't important anyway. He'd been so stupid not to even get her number – not that he would have called it. The option would have been nice, though.

His head aching from the music and from his own mind, Ross called it a night and went to bed, unable to notice how Melissa was curled up right on the edge of her side. It was as if she was trying to position herself as far away from him as possible, and it made a lump rise in his throat. She'd been his first real love, the only person who he'd slept with and wanted to spend his life with – or at least that was how he used to feel. Now, he just felt sad at the prospect of a separation.

Quickly, Ross undressed and climbed into bed before realising that Melissa had most of the duvet over her, and there was practically none left for him. There was no way he wanted to risk waking her and somehow starting another argument, so he got up, grabbed his pillow and a blanket from the wardrobe, and made a half-decent bed on the sofa. It wasn't perfect, but at least here he could close his eyes and fall asleep to images of Rachel, playing over and over to the soundtrack of stars.

XXXXXXXX

"Close your eyes, give me your hand, darling... Do you feel my heart beating? Do you understand...?"

Ross smiled as The Bangles sang their song sweetly through the radio. It sounded totally different when Monica gave her rendition on stage, but Ross liked both versions. The original reminded him of the days in high school when all the girls loved _Eternal Flame_, and any boy worth his salt would include it on a mix tape for his intended sweetheart. Ross remembered giving one of those to Melissa, during the time when she hardly acknowledged his existence. He liked to think that the song contributed, in some way, to their eventual union, although whether he could consider that a good thing now was debatable.

"Hey."

The sound of Melissa's hoarse voice broke into Ross' reverie and he looked round to see his wife standing in the doorway of the bedroom, her blonde hair dishevelled and her eyes heavy.

"Hey," he rejoined, going over to her. He frowned. She wasn't looking too well. "Are you ok?"

She nodded. "I'm fine. Think it's just a cold coming on. Do we still have that honey and lemon stuff?"

"Yeah, I think so. Wait, I'll check." He rummaged in the medicine cupboard above the sink, wondering how the two of them had managed to accumulate so many random boxes of tablets and sachets of weird cough mixtures. He'd just laid eyes on his target when Melissa spoke again from behind him.

"Why did you sleep on the sofa?"

_She doesn't sound very bothered about it_.

"Uh, I came home late and I didn't want to disturb you, so I just stayed out here." He pulled out the packet and began making her the drink. "Did you have a good evening?"

"It was ok," she said. He could see her shrugging out of the corner of his eye. "And my afternoon was ok, too, but my morning sucked."

Ross knew what she was getting at; the fact they hadn't seen each other all day yesterday. That hadn't been his fault, though. He'd had to be in work really early, and then there was dinner with Monica – whom he'd never thought Melissa liked much – and after that, the band gig. He hadn't deliberately set out not to see her, but he knew what she meant. Somehow, they ended up in the same situation and it was just becoming repetitive.

Neither of them spoke again until Ross handed Melissa her drink, for which she thanked him.

"You should stay off work today," he said as he headed out of the door. "You don't want to make it worse, whatever it is."

Melissa nodded from where she was sitting in the armchair. "I'll phone them. See you later, Ross."

"Yeah, see you." He gave her a cursory smile before departing, knowing that one way or another, things were going to have to change and soon, before both of them went crazy.

**A/N: **Aww man, I love Ross! Like, I do anyway, but I'm making him suffer, bless him. Anyway, please go press the submit review button and make me a very happy gal! Cheeeers!


	3. Chapter Three

**A/N:** Ok, here's chapter 3! Thanks again for the comments, I appreciate all feedback. In response to one reviewer who asked why the fic has an R rating, it's because when we get to the R rated stuff later on, it'll be appropriate! I tend not to start fics with R scenes and get straight into sex and stuff – Ross and Rachel just met! But there's a bit of language in this chapter and don't worry, if you're really desperate for R material, I'll give you plenty when the time comes. Oh and there's no song today, because I didn't have time to find one – snowed under at uni with boring essays. Boo.

* * *

**Chapter Three**

Rachel spread the newspaper open in front of her and scanned the page as she absently sipped coffee. It was hard to find what she was looking for when she didn't know the name, but she remained hopeful. She moved her finger across the page as she went through the numerous gig reviews printed every day in the wake of the previous weekend's events.

Just then, Phoebe padded out from her bedroom and, yawning, waved at Rachel. "Morning."

"Hey," Rachel replied, not taking her eyes off the newspaper. "Did you sleep ok?"

"Yeah, fine. Dunno what I'm gonna do today, though." Phoebe sat down beside Rachel and sighed. "Being unemployed sucks."

At this Rachel looked at Phoebe and smiled sympathetically. "I know, sweetie. I wish I could get you a job but all I do at that stupid diner is make tea and sweep up. It's not a real job. Wouldn't it be cool if we were both in a band instead?"

"Wow, yeah, it would be amazing!" Phoebe said, brightening at the thought. "Imagine, we'd be travelling and playing to people and everyone would want to sleep with us!"

Rachel laughed. "Well, that's ambition for you." She returned to the reviews page. "I made some coffee if you fancy a cup."

"Ok, I'll just... Hey, what are you looking for? Is this about the band on Saturday night? I didn't know they were getting reviewed!"

Rachel shrugged. "I'm not sure if they are. I wanted to check, though, just in case. You know, see what other people thought." Phoebe gave her an 'I-don't believe-you' look, and Rachel stared at her. "What? What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing," Phoebe replied, getting up to fetch her coffee. "I was just wondering if this had anything to do with that guy you were checking out. You know, the one in the band who was staring at you all night?"

Rachel blushed – quite unlike her, especially with Phoebe. She knew the blonde girl was right, though, and for some reason she was embarrassed to admit it. Perhaps it was because she still felt ridiculous for liking someone she'd spoken to for about ten minutes and knew nothing about. Usually she had to spend at least a day with a guy before knowing for sure she liked him. She was picky with men, but she didn't find that a problem. At least it meant she sussed them out before getting in too deep, unlike Phoebe, who tended to follow her heart and rush straight in.

"Wh... Wha... There was no guy..." Rachel, unnerved and distracted, gave up with the paper and instead crossed to the sofa to pick up her coat. "I just... liked the band..."

"Sure, ok, whatever." Phoebe's disbelief was evident in her voice, and Rachel sighed. "But I don't see why you can't tell me. It's not like I'm gonna judge you or anything, is it?"

Of course, she was right, but still Rachel hesitated. She was twenty-four, not some lovestruck teenager who fell for every nice man who smiled her way. The only thing stopping her from forgetting about this one was the fact that she couldn't, no matter how she tried.

It was as she was going out of the door that she finally caved.

"His name is Ross, we chatted for about two minutes and he gave me his shirt. Now leave me alone!" And with that, she went to work, hoping Phoebe wouldn't do the laundry and find Ross' shirt hidden under the pillow.

Mitzie's was a diner which looked like it had stepped right out of Grease, with booths and jukeboxes and a huge counter where people could sit and drink their milkshakes. It was pretty popular, especially with the local college kids, and it was here Rachel worked during the week, albeit reluctantly. She didn't exactly like her job, which consisted of wearing an extremely short skirt, a tightly-buttoned blouse and a blonde wig, and almost entirely saw her making drinks and cleaning up. She desperately wanted to change, but it was difficult to find a line of work that she was good at and that paid well enough to support both her and Phoebe, who hadn't been employed in months. There just wasn't time to go job hunting, and it wasn't as if Rachel had a long list of qualifications to rattle off to the nearest managers.

* * *

"Rach, table four!"

Rachel hoped her superior, Alice, didn't see her roll her eyes as she grabbed her pad and made her way over to table four, where sat an attractive, elegant-looking woman in a brown duffel coat. She was texting something on her mobile phone, but stopped when Rachel cleared her throat and forced a smile.

"What can I get you?"

The woman sighed. "A one-way ticket to Europe?"

Rachel wasn't quite sure what to say. "Well... I'm afraid we don't stock them. How about a nice latte or something instead?" She paused when she noticed the woman's face fall. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."

"No, no, don't worry. I'm sorry." The woman ran a hand through her hair. "Just home troubles, you know. Can I have a cappuccino please?"

"Sure," Rachel replied, making a note on her pad. She wondered what was wrong. It always helped to pass time if she could strike up conversations with customers, and the nosy streak in her really wanted to know more. "I hope everything goes ok for you."

"How can it go ok? Everything is fucked up!" The woman dropped her head into her hands. "I am so sorry. I don't know what's got into me."

Rachel took the seat opposite and peered concernedly at the woman. Her hair was lovely, long and blonde and real, unlike the stupid wig Rachel had to wear over the top of her auburn locks. "You're allowed to be upset," she said gently. "If a man's involved, you're definitely allowed. I'm Rachel, by the way."

The woman laughed a little at this and raised her head again. "That's the most sensible thing anyone's said to me for days." She smiled. "I'm Melissa."

"Nice to meet you, Melissa. Look, I'm just gonna run over there and make your order, but if you want to, you know, get anything off your chest, feel free to give me a call." Rachel stood up and smoothed her skirt down before going to the coffee machine and making the cappuccino. When she returned to table four, Melissa was dabbing her eyes, and Rachel's heart clenched automatically. She hated seeing people cry.

"Aww, what's the matter?" She placed the foaming drink in front of Melissa and patted her hand. "Whatever it is, it can't be that bad."

Melissa shook her head. "It is that bad, believe me. I can't even talk about it. I'm in such a big mess, and I don't know how I got here. Whatever you do, Rachel, don't lie. Lying gets you into all sorts of shit, take it from me, and then you end up in a crappy diner, drinking cappuccino and moaning to anyone who'll listen. Take it from me."

As Rachel walked away, deciding to leave things alone, she wondered what Melissa thought people who had to _work_ in the crappy diner had done to deserve their fate.

* * *

When Rachel arrived back at the flat that evening, she found Phoebe in the middle of the floor, doing some sort of yoga pose.

"Hey Pheebs," Rachel greeted her tiredly, chucking her keys on the counter before slumping down in the ancient sofa. "How was your day?"

"Oh, you know, pretty average. Yours?"

Rachel tilted her head so that she could see Phoebe's face, which was wedged somewhere between her legs.

"Ok, I guess. I am so bored in that job, though. I wish something would just come along and... I dunno... sweep me off my feet. Am I crazy for thinking that?" She ran a hand through her hair as Phoebe carefully straightened herself out.

"No, of course not, Rach. I know exactly how you feel. But look at it this way; at least you have a job of some sort, which is still better than no job."

Rachel nodded, knowing deep down that Phoebe was right, and feeling guilty for wanting more. She couldn't help it, though. Ever since she had left home and attempted to fend for herself, she didn't think things had gone very well. She wasn't where she'd imagined herself being, and despite being a generally optimistic person, occasionally Rachel was brought down by the cold, hard truth that she was in a rubbish job, living in a tiny flat, with barely any money and no boyfriend.

"Ooh, Rach, by the way, I found the review!" Phoebe got to her feet and went over to the fridge. "It wasn't as good as I thought it would be, but it did say that the singer girl is having a birthday party on Thursday night. Apparently she lives a few blocks away from us! How cool is that?"

"Really? Wow, that is pretty cool," Rachel agreed, smiling. "It's been a long time since I went to a party. Or anywhere, for that matter."

"No, but I had an idea! Why don't we go along and wish her happy birthday? You know, it'd give us something to do."

Rachel was incredulous. Phoebe was constantly thinking up crazy ideas but this was one of her maddest. "What? Pheebs, you can't seriously be suggesting we gatecrash that girl's party? Don't be ridiculous!"

Phoebe rolled her eyes. "Oh come on, lighten up! Live a little! When I was fifteen, I went to loads of parties I wasn't invited to and nobody ever threw me out. In fact, I met you at one, remember?"

Rachel did remember – it had been her parents' wedding anniversary and Phoebe had introduced herself as one of Dr Green's work colleagues. Rachel had only found out the truth later when she'd bumped into Phoebe strumming her guitar in a car park, and they talked for a long time. That was Phoebe, though. Rachel didn't think it would be right for her to simply turn up to the birthday bash of a girl she'd never spoken to.

"Pheebs, I..."

"That guy might be there..."

Phoebe's sing-song tone permeated Rachel's brain, and the potential of the words hit her hard. That guy _might_ be there. Maybe he'd come over and say hi – if he hadn't forgotten her. And, maybe they'd have another conversation. The maybes were endless, and Rachel knew it was highly unlikely she'd even have the chance, but it wasn't impossible, which was why she turned back to Phoebe with a nervous smile on her face.

"I could, um, give him his shirt back..."

And with that, the two excited girls started planning.

* * *

**A/N:** Yeah, I know, it's a bit unrealistic but that kind of mad thing happens in Friends all the time, so I thought it wouldn't be too out-of-place in the story. Plus, I need a way to get my lovers together, and also it's my fic, hehe. Reviews are the kindest way to say thank you ;) 


	4. Chapter Four

**A/N:** Another chapter - thanks for all the reviews so far. I am working on a much darker story in addition to this, so keep your eyes out for that if it interests you at all. This fic will probably be sad in places but generally romantic and fairly light! The song this chapter is by the amazing Alison Krauss and Union Station - it fits the fic pretty well, I reckon.

_It's been a long time coming_

_As you shed a lonesome tear_

_Now you're in a wonderama_

_I wonder what you're doing here_

_The flame no longer flickers_

_You're feeling just like a fool_

_You keep staring into your liquor_

_I'm wondering what to do_

_I don't hardly know you_

_But I'd be willing to show you_

_I know a way to make you smile_

_Let me touch you for a while_

_I'm gonna ruin my black mascara_

_You're drinking whiskey when it should be wine_

_You keep on looking in to that mirror_

_But to me you're looking really fine_

_I don't hardly know you_

_But I'd be willing to show you_

_I know a way to make you laugh at that cowgirl as she's walking out your door_

_I know a way to make you smile_

_Just let me whisper things_

_You never heard before_

_Just let me touch you baby_

_Just let me touch you for a while_

* * *

**Chapter Four**

"Remind me why I'm coming to this party, again?"

Monica rolled her eyes at Ross, who was reluctantly unwrapping paper plates. "Because you're my brother, and you're supposed to love me. I know, weird concept."

Ross sighed. "That's not what I meant. I'm just not really in the mood and I don't want to bring you down and stuff…"

"Aww, you won't do that," Monica said gently, giving him a hug before watching him set the plates out on the table. "Although if you keep rearranging my plate set-up, things might change," she added, grabbing them from him and doing it herself. Monica was notoriously tidy and fussy and obsessive, but Ross thought it was endearing. At least she was passionate about something, which was more than could be said for Melissa.

Ross' heart sank at the very thought of her. Things between them had deteriorated even further in the past couple of days until Ross was trying to start fights, simply to break the strained silence that hung over the apartment. He didn't know what was wrong, or what had happened to make their relationship, their marriage, take such a bad turn, and he felt such a failure for it. He couldn't stop wondering what he could do to make it better or to make her happy; after all, she'd seemed pretty happy before.

The front door opened and Joey walked in, carrying a stack of about five chairs.

"Hey, where do you want these?" he asked, at which Monica looked up from her plate-arranging.

"Just over there by the sofa, thanks Joey," she said, as Ross frowned at her. "What?"

"Please tell me we're not playing musical chairs again."

Monica stuck her tongue out. "Oh, ha ha. Very funny. Everyone liked musical chairs. No, i just wanted extra places for my guests to sit." She laughed. "Wouldn't it be cool if we got gatecrashers?"

"Uh, yeah, well, it's your birthday," Ross shrugged, moving away before she punched him. "Oh, by the way, Melissa's not coming tonight."

"She's not? Why? Did you guys have another fight?" Monica looked concerned and Ross shrugged, unable to bring himself to explain the entire miserable story. "Aww, Ross, you have to sort this out. You can't go on making each other unhappy."

"But that's just it! I don't know why I'm making her unhappy! If I did, I could stop and maybe we'd have a chance. She won't even talk to be half the time, so there's no way of finding out." He picked up his glass of wine and took a long drink, hoping that if he imbibed enough, perhaps it would blot out all thought of his distant wife.

Monica opened her mouth to speak again when the door opened again and Chandler appeared, carrying a neatly-wrapped box, which he handed to a beaming Monica.

"Happy birthday!" Chandler kissed her on the cheek and stepped back as Monica eagerly ripped off the paper. "Yeah, 'cause that only took me an hour," he added sarcastically, eyeing the discarded ribbons.

"Oh, I love it!" Monica held up a pretty blue sweater. "Thank you!" She gave Chandler a lingering hug which didn't go unnoticed by Ross, and he watched as they proceeded to look a little embarrassed before Chandler went to talk to Joey.

"Mon?" Ross began, but he didn't have a chance to finish as the first guests arrived for the party, and Monica, despite it being her birthday, went into full hostess mode. There weren't to be that many people there, just some from college and fewer from high school, plus Ross and Monica's parents had promised to drop by at some point if they were in the city, otherwise they'd see her at the weekend. Ross resigned himself to the fact that he was on coat-collecting duty, and fell into his job accordingly, glad of anything else to occupy his time and thoughts.

Two hours in and Ross was losing the will to live. He'd been cornered three separate times, twice by women wanting to discuss their failing relationships, and once by a guy whom Ross assumed was either very drunk or very gay and desperate. Either way, he wasn't having a good time, and if it hadn't been his sister's party, he'd have been gone long ago.

"Hey Mon, is there more wine?"

Monica was too engrossed in a conversation with some guy with weird dreadlocks that she didn't even hear, and Ross sighed as he crossed to the kitchen in order to find some alcohol. He was just rummaging in a cupboard when the front door opened again and he looked up to see two girls waltz in, one of whom was… the girl from the club.

It was the girl from the club!

Ross was so stunned that for a few moments he couldn't even move, until he realised the girls were standing there looking lost, and he couldn't help noticing how amazing the girl – her name was Rachel, he remembered – looked. She was wearing a short black skirt and a purple top, and her hair was shiny and bouncy. Ross only became aware he was staring when Rachel's blonde friend turned and smiled at him.

"Hey, excuse me, we're here for Monica's party. Are we in the right place?"

And then, Rachel followed her friend's gaze, and her eyes met Ross'. He thought it was a good thing he was leaning against the counter, or else his knees might have given way, such was the intensity of her look. It was as if she was just as shocked to see him, but just as pleased, although Ross knew that was probably wishful thinking on his part. As if someone like her would even remember him…

_I'd better say something here._

"Uh, yeah, yeah, it is, you're totally in the right place!" Ross cursed the fact that his voice suddenly sounded a lot higher than usual, and his heart was beating really fast. "Monica's just over there. Are, uh, you friends of, uh, hers?"

_Great, you sound smooth. Not._

"Yeah, we know her from around," the blonde girl replied airily. "You know, just… around. Chatted a few times, knew it was her birthday, thought we'd drop by. I'm Phoebe, and this is Rachel."

_Yeah, this IS Rachel. Wow._

Rachel seemed to nudge Phoebe hard in the side, and the two of them looked at each other for a few moments before Phoebe clapped a hand to her mouth.

"Oh! I mean, sorry, I just remembered, I need the bathroom! Be right back!" And with that, she darted off past Ross, who was working hard to keep his palms from sweating. As Rachel moved towards him, however, he found that increasingly difficult.

"Hi," she said quietly, stopping beside the food-laden table. It was lucky that everyone else seemed busy with dancing and chatting-up to need to eat, because if anyone had interrupted Ross was ready to kill them. "I didn't know you were…" She tailed off, and Ross knew he had to jump in.

"I'm Monica's brother," he explained, as calmly as he could. "And it's perfectly okay that you're gatecrashing her party."

Rachel looked mortified. "Oh God, I'm sorry," she said heavily. "I'm really sorry, this is awful of us. Phoebe just wanted somewhere to go and we were bored and oh God…"

Ross smiled. He couldn't help it. She was blushing and she looked so cute, as if she didn't usually embarrass easily and he was having an effect on her. A bit presumptuous to think that, admittedly, but it was nice nonetheless.

"Hey, don't worry about it," he said quickly, barely registering he'd moved closer to her. "I wasn't angry with you, I think it's cool. Monica actually said she wouldn't mind if people just came by." Ok, so that last part wasn't entirely the truth. He didn't care.

"Really? Because I never normally do stuff like this, but Phoebe is a bit crazy anyway and like I said we were bored, nothing to do, and this looked like fun." She bit her lip. "Now you think I'm crazy too, right?"

"No, of course I don't," he said truthfully, handing her an empty glass. "Would you like some wine? I was just looking for another bottle."

"Sure, thanks Ross."

As soon as the breathless words had left Rachel's mouth, Ross was staring at her in surprise and amazement. He couldn't believe it.

_She remembered my name_.

"You remembered my name."

_Shit, why didn't that stay in my head where it belonged?_

Rachel's mouth curved into a sweet smile as she nodded. "Yeah, I remembered. How could I forget?" The air remained charged between them, Ross hardly daring to move, until she laughed a little. "You gave me your shirt, after all, and not many guys do that."

He smiled back, unable to stop himself. "Yeah, well, uh, I didn't want you to be cold." He finally laid a hand on a bottle of wine. "Here we go," he said, uncorking it and pouring some into Rachel's glass before adding to his own. "So what made you guys pick this party?"

"Nothing in particular…" Rachel sighed as soon as she'd said it. "That's so obviously a lie, isn't it? The truth is, Phoebe was browsing the reviews in the paper, to see if your band was there, and she found out it was your sister's birthday. Except we didn't know she was your sister or anything, we just thought it might be fun to see famous people at a party." She bit her lip and Ross laughed a little.

"And you're really disappointed because there's nobody remotely famous here. Am I right?"

"No…" she replied hesitantly, and Ross knew she was lying again, but it was cute.

"Our band isn't famous," he explained. "We just do it part-time. We all have other jobs; it's a bit of fun at weekends and stuff. Well, it used to be. I'm thinking of quitting, to be honest." That was the first time he'd vocalised his doubts, and it was to a girl he didn't even know. There was something about her, though, that made him want to tell her everything and find out even more in return.

She was looking shocked. "Really? But why? You guys are so good and I'd love to be in a band!"

Ross shrugged, trying to act casual in the face of Rachel's close proximity to his body. She didn't seem to notice, but he certainly did, especially when she moved and he could smell her sweet perfume. "I don't have a lot of time, what with my job and…" He had been about to say 'my wife', but he'd stopped. Was there any point admitting to a marriage that was nothing but a sham these days? Maybe it would put Rachel off. Then again, who was to say she'd care at all? It wasn't as if she fancied him or anything, and he couldn't resist telling her the truth anyway. "And my wife."

It was just as the two of them looked at each other, Ross hoping he hadn't said the totally wrong thing, that Monica decided she needed him.

"Ross! Can you come here a second?"

He refrained from rolling his eyes and instead settled for shooting Rachel a nervous smile.

"Uh, my sister. I'll just see… Be back in a minute, okay?" He headed over to where Monica was standing by the TV, looking expectant. "Hey, what's up?" He tried not to sound too irritated but it was difficult when he had been interrupted while talking to the most beautiful girl, who also happened to seem really sweet. It didn't even matter that they'd probably never meet again – it was enough to have sane contact with a woman other than Melissa.

Monica was giving him her best 'Are-you-stupid?' look, before nudging him, hard. "You need to make a toast! To me!" She held up her half-full glass as an indicator and Ross nodded in recognition.

"Of course. Silly me finding something more interesting to do with my time." He ignored her stuck-out tongue, because he was only joking, and raised his own glass as Monica quietened everybody. "Uh, hey. I'd just like to thank everyone for coming tonight to help celebrate Monica's birthday. She's the best sister anyone could ask for, so here's to you Mon."

Monica beamed as people clinked glasses and drank, and Ross could have sworn he saw Chandler wink at her. Frowning, he turned to see what Rachel was doing, but his heart skipped a beat when he noticed she wasn't where he had left her. Had she gone? Had he actually really freaked her out and she'd gone?

_Great. So the animal magnetism wears off pretty quick._

* * *

**A/N: **Please review and make me happy. 


	5. Chapter Five

**A/N:** Thanks for the reviews so far, please keep 'em coming, they make me happy! Here's the next part, hope you enjoy it. The song is by Westlife, and there's more bits but like, that was the only bit that really suited the chapter, lol!

**Chapter Five**

_Two very different people_

_Too scared to get along_

_Till two hearts beat together_

_Underneath one sun_

_One very special moment_

_Can turn a destiny_

_And what some would say could never change_

_Has changed for you and me_

* * *

"Pheebs, why are we even in here? In case you hadn't noticed, there's food and wine out there!" 

Rachel was frustrated. For whatever reason, Phoebe had dragged her into the bathroom and now Rachel was itching to get back out and continue her conversation with Ross. True, she had been startled when he'd announced he was married, but that didn't stop him from being a nice guy. She was just going to have to curb her flirtatious behaviour and hope that they could be friends or something. She was tired of having hardly anyone besides Phoebe – wonderful as she was – to hang out with in the city.

"This party sucks!" Phoebe's declaration was forceful. "I'm sorry that I made you come. I thought it was gonna be full of, you know, hot-shot record people, but it's so boring!"

Rachel was about to argue that that didn't matter, when she realised that she hadn't exactly rejected the idea of meeting pop stars when the two girls had made plans to gatecrash. It just so happened that while things hadn't turned out the way she'd expected, Rachel would have been lying if she'd said she wasn't enjoying herself. She didn't want to leave straight away, and told Phoebe so.

"What? Oh, Rach, okay, I know you have the hots for that guy, which is why I left you alone with him, but come on! I've seen more action at a wake! If we're quick we can make it to the clubs before they start charging."

"Pheebs! I do not have the hots for him!" Rachel spluttered, exasperated. "Look, it's bad enough we barged right in without being invited, but if we just turn around and go, that'll be really rude. If you want to go, then fine. I'm staying here."

Phoebe stared at Rachel as if she thought those words were crazy. "You're really going to stay?" she asked doubtfully.

Rachel nodded. "I am really going to stay." She folded her arms.

Phoebe shrugged and stood up. "Well, if that's the way you want it, I'll just leave and…" She halted mid-sentence when she opened the bathroom door and came face-to-face with the Italian singer guy from the band. Up close, Rachel could see he was very good-looking, and it was clear why Phoebe had been rendered temporarily speechless.

"At last," he grumbled, as Rachel stepped past Phoebe into the main room. "Some of us really need to pee!"

Rachel gave him a disgusted look before yanking Phoebe's hand so that she stumbled, leaving the way free for the guy to get into the bathroom. "Ugh, Pheebs, it's probably a good thing you're leaving, or else --"

"Nu-uh, I changed my mind, uh, I'm staying," Phoebe said, a little flustered, and before Rachel was able to make any sort of comment, Phoebe had disappeared to the buffet table.

"For God's sake, I… Argh!" Rachel jumped when she realised the singer guy was standing right behind her. "Oh my God, what are you doing? You scared the crap outta me!" She placed a hand over her heart and attempted to calm her rapid breathing.

The guy looked mortified. "Sorry, I didn't mean to," he said quickly, stepping back a little. "I just came to apologise for barging past you guys. It was taking ages to get into the bathroom and I was desperate." He shrugged sheepishly, and Rachel nodded.

"It's okay, don't worry about it. You gave me a fright, that's all." She paused, wondering whether it would be rude to talk about the band, as if that was what she was interested in. She couldn't think of anything else to say, though. "Aren't you in the band with Ross?"

The guy grinned. "I sure am. Joey." He winked. "How you doin'?"

Rachel shrugged, knowing he was coming on to her but deciding to swiftly bypass the comment. "Nice to meet you, Joey. I'm Rachel."

"Cool. Hey, are you the girl Ross was going on about the other day?"

Rachel felt her stomach do a weird flip, and she had to work hard not to let a mad smile cross her face in response to this revelation. So, Ross had been 'going on' about her, had he? Despite the fact he was married and totally off-limits, she couldn't help feeling absurdly pleased. It was always nice to know she'd made a man go on about her.

She settled for another shrug. "I dunno. Maybe? We met at the club on Saturday night when you guys were playing, but we didn't speak for long. Is he the kind of guy who goes on about lots of women?" The question wasn't very subtle, and for a moment Rachel cringed, but if Joey had noticed he didn't show it.

"Nah, Ross is like the opposite of that," he said blithely. "He's been married for a couple of years and he's never even looked at another girl. I know they're having problems, but he wouldn't just abandon his wife."

Rachel tried to paint an 'interested-and-sympathetic' expression on her face, while inside she cursed herself for being so stupid. Of course Ross wouldn't look her way if he was married. He didn't come across as the play-around sort, and Rachel had met enough of them to become very astute at telling which was which. She didn't want to keep thinking about someone she couldn't have; it was just so infuriating that every guy she liked had an issue. Perhaps this was fate's way of proving she ought to have married the wealthy banker her mother had selected for her, and part of her was beginning to wonder if that would have been such a bad idea after all.

It wasn't until Joey waved a hand in front of her face that Rachel realised she'd been staring right past him while thoughts overtook her. She shook her head and blinked.

"You okay?" Joey asked.

"Yeah, I'm great. Look, I'd better go. If you see Ross, can you say --"

"Say what?"

Rachel spun around at the familiar voice behind her and saw Ross standing there, smiling good-naturedly at her. For a moment she couldn't speak, realising how close he was and how gorgeous his eyes were. Why the hell did he have to be married?

"Oh, nothing, I was about to leave…" She found her voice, but had lost the ability to move. Frozen, she tore her eyes from his face, watching as Joey wandered across to a flustered Phoebe and started a conversation.

"Oh." Ross sounded undeniably disappointed, and when Rachel forced herself to look at him again, she saw how his face had dropped. Immediately, she wanted to hug him. He seemed so vulnerable, and in someone so tall and strong-looking, it had a magnified effect.

"Yeah," she said, at length. "I mean, it's silly of me to be here. I don't know you guys." It sounded logical, but it felt ridiculous. She didn't want to leave. She wanted to stay and hug him, or just touch his arm. That would be lovely.

Ross startled her by moving suddenly and letting out a breath. "God, I am so stupid. I haven't even introduced you to Monica! Come on, you might as well meet and then you can stay a while longer." He led a reluctant Rachel over to where a dark-haired girl was arranging a few scattered coasters. "Mon? This is Rachel."

Monica looked up, smiling when she took Rachel in. "Oh, hi Rachel! I was wondering when I was gonna get to meet you!"

Rachel shot a confused look at Ross, who practically squirmed on the spot.

"Mon," he hissed, and Monica's eyes widened.

"Right, sorry. Anyway, welcome to my birthday! Help yourself to food and stuff. I'll be back, I just need to sort some stuff out…" And with that, Monica retreated into another room, which Rachel assumed was her bedroom, and shut the door.

"My sister is weird," Ross shrugged, by way of explanation. "I've given up trying to figure what goes through her head. Would you, uh, like another drink, Rachel?"

"Sure." She handed him the glass and waited while he went to the kitchen area. Staring out of the window, Rachel could see the twinkling city lights below and realised now what Ross had meant before about the views from this apartment. They were amazing, and at that moment Rachel wished she lived here rather than in the scabby old building she and Phoebe had to suffer.

"Here you go." Ross was back with more wine, which Rachel accepted gratefully. The two of them stood in what Rachel thought was a rather awkward silence for a good couple of minutes, while Rachel continued to watch the scene from the window. It wasn't until Ross spoke again that she snapped out of her reverie. "You ok?"

Rachel looked at him, and felt her stomach flip just from locking eyes. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. I just… I feel…" She didn't know what she felt, and what's more, she wasn't sure she wanted to confess to a strange man, no matter how attractive she found him. His face showed concern, however, and her resolve was slowly melting.

"It's pretty noisy in here," he said quietly. "Do you want to come outside for a bit?"

Rachel found herself nodding, and then he was leading her out through the side window, out to the balcony-area. From here, the view was even more incredible, and as the refreshing wind hit her, Rachel couldn't help letting out a gasp of delight.

"Oh, wow," she breathed, and beside her Ross smiled.

"Yeah, it is pretty amazing, isn't it? Monica got this apartment from our grandma."

"What about you? Didn't you want to live here?"

"Nah. This place is great but it's definitely more suited to her. She's got Joey and Chandler right across the hall and it's in a good location for her work. I live nearby." He shrugged.

"With your wife?" It was said before Rachel could think it through, but luckily Ross didn't look particularly bothered.

"Yeah, with my wife. We're not really getting on at the moment." By the look on his face as soon as he'd said it, Ross hadn't planned to reveal quite as much either.

Rachel felt sympathetic, she really did, because he seemed so nice and she knew it must be difficult to go through marriage problems. There was a smaller part of her, however, that couldn't help feeling glad.

"Aww, I'm sorry. That must be hard."

Ross nodded, staring into his glass. "It is. It's horrible. I don't even know what I did. She… She never talks to me. It's like we're strangers. I just… I can't figure it out." He sounded so utterly helpless that Rachel's instinct was again to hug him. She settled for laying a hand gently on his arm, which caused him to jump a little.

"Oh God, sorry, I didn't mean…" Rachel stepped back, mortified.

"No, it's okay," Ross said quickly. "Honestly. Too busy thinking. I'm sorry. Thanks for caring, but it's not worth it."

"Well, I think it is," Rachel said kindly. "Of course it is. You obviously still love your wife, and you're upset. I totally understand. I've never been married, but I imagine it can't be fun for you."

Ross glanced at her. "Never been married, huh? You're lucky."

Rachel sighed. "Yeah. I coulda been, though. My mum had this guy for me. She'd found him somewhere… A dinner dance or maybe a club. And he was a banker and really rich, and if I'd done as she wanted and married him, I'd be living a completely different life now."

"So why didn't you?" Ross sounded puzzled, even though to Rachel the answer was blindingly obvious.

"Because I didn't love him. I didn't even like him. Course, to my mum, that was hardly the issue. I came to the city and met up with my friend Phoebe, and we moved in together. It's not the best place, but it's almost my own, you know?"

Ross nodded again. "I know. I understand." They exchanged shy smiles. "Hey, I'll be back in a minute, I'm just gonna go to the bathroom." He set his glass down on the wall and went back inside, leaving Rachel on her own. She closed her eyes and took deep breaths of fresh air, and became so engrossed in that that she nearly screamed when she heard a woman's voice behind her.

"Rachel?"

As it was, Rachel jumped and spun around to see Ross' sister Monica there, looking slightly apprehensive.

"What is it with people creeping up on me?" Rachel wondered aloud, regretting it when she saw Monica's expression change to horrified.

"I didn't mean to scare you, I'm sorry," she said. "I just wanted to say hi while Ross was away. Erm, you don't remember me, do you?"

Rachel frowned as she racked her brains, trying to think where she might have seen or met Monica before, other than Saturday night at the club and now here at the party. There was no occasion which stood out straight away, but then Rachel knew she was rather forgetful sometimes and she wouldn't have been surprised if she'd simply put it out of her mind. Then again, Monica _was_ starting to look familiar in some way, much like Ross had done back at the club.

"I have a feeling I should do," she ventured, "but I'm sorry, it's not coming to me. Is that terrible?"

Monica smiled. "No, not terrible at all. I don't blame you. We went to the same high school, but we didn't hang out or anything. In fact, I think we spoke three times in all the years we went there."

Rachel clapped her hands over her mouth as a memory flooded back to her; she recalled seeing a younger, much plumper Monica standing by her locker nervously, being spoken to by a tall boy…

ROSS!

"Oh my God!" Rachel exclaimed, before laughing. "I do remember! Well, vaguely. And I remember Ross, too. Why didn't we ever speak?"

Monica blushed and looked away. "I had problems," she said meekly. "We both did. We kept ourselves to ourselves in the first instance, and then you were so popular and I really wasn't. I'd never have had the courage to go over to you and start a conversation, but I always thought you seemed nice."

Rachel felt a pang of nostalgia and something like longing in her chest. She briefly wondered what their problems had been, but that was quickly replaced by a sense of shame that she had never once made the effort to get to know more people in her year. Everyone had been so easily categorised in high school that Rachel had just gone along with it, thinking that being popular wasn't exactly the worst tag to pick up. Now, though, she felt a bit guilty.

"I'm sorry."

"No, don't apologise," Monica said quickly, holding up her hands. "Like I said, I don't blame you. It's not like I'm bothered about it now. I wanted to get to know you, see if maybe we could end up friends anyway. It's totally cool if you say no, but…"

"Yeah?" Rachel was excited already, and she didn't even know what Monica was about to say.

"Well, would you like to come down to our gig tomorrow night? We're playing a few songs and afterwards we were gonna go for some coffee. We always do that." She grinned sheepishly. "It sounds really sad, but once you've played in clubs and stuff it's so much nicer to wind down with caffeine."

Rachel laughed along with Monica. She couldn't believe someone could be so nice to her with no real reason other than a very casual acquaintance in high school. Maybe that wasn't a bad thing, she mused, and maybe it would be good to make some new friends.

"I would love to come," she nodded enthusiastically. "Would it be okay if my friend Phoebe came along too?"

"Oh, of course! I spoke to her inside, she seems lovely."

"She is, she's my best friend. She'll be happy; she thought you guys were great."

Ross returned then, and Monica explained to him about inviting Rachel and Phoebe along. He seemed pretty pleased, even going so far as to place a hand on Rachel's shoulder as the three of them headed back inside together. The unexpected contact made a tiny shiver run down her spine.

It was as Rachel and Phoebe were walking home half an hour later, after saying goodbye to their new friends, that Rachel told Phoebe about the gig and coffee, and said she was welcome to come too.

"Oh, that is so great, because Joey asked me anyway!" Phoebe replied excitedly. "He's really cute, and I think he likes me. Yay Rach, we have a social life!"

Rachel couldn't help smiling at that as they ascended the stairs to their apartment, and when she thought about Ross, she smiled even broader.

* * *

**A/N:** So I had to have them know each other somehow, it just makes things easier and moves it along a little. But since none of them actually knew each other properly, there's still plenty of scope AU-wise. And what do you reckon to Joey and Phoebe? Should I make them a couple? I can't decide right now. In order to answer that question, you must review! So press the button and go ahead! ;) 


	6. Chapter Six

**A/N:** Again thanks for the reviews. In this chapter, spot the really obvious stealing of part of a Friends scene – it just came out as I was writing ;) It's hard to write this at the moment because my natural instinct is to hurry up and get Ross and Rachel together as they should be, but it's not realistic to do that so fast. And I agree with David Schwimmer when he said it wasn't really true to Ross' character to have him marry Emily in such a rush after what happened with Carol, a woman he really loved and who hurt him, so I'm trying to balance the two here. I bet I'm not succeeding, lol, but oh well!

Not a lot else to say except I've been watching Season 9 Friends all day, and TOW Emma Cries gets so sad when Ross is with Joey in the hospital and Joey points out that Rachel would have agreed to marry anyone just after having the baby, and Ross says, 'But I don't want to be just anybody.' It made me cry, but then I am PMT-hormonal…

R rated chapter for a bit of sex and some language.

* * *

**Chapter Six**

_Tonight you're mine completely_

_You give your love so sweetly_

_Tonight the light of love is in your eyes_

_But will you love me tomorrow?_

As Ross walked back to his apartment after the party, he couldn't help thinking that the evening hadn't been as bad as he had been expecting. Far from it; he'd managed to have a real conversation with Rachel and not make too much of a fool of himself, although he still wished he hadn't started moaning on about his marriage. If there was one thing guaranteed to drive a woman away, it was talking about another woman, or so Ross imagined. He didn't know why he cared. He shouldn't care, not when he was going home to his wife.

_Yeah, right. As if she'll even notice I'm there._

When Ross opened the front door, however, he began to doubt his earlier statement. Melissa was sitting on the sofa, wearing nothing but a very revealing nightdress, and surrounding her were dozens of candles, each giving off a lovely scent. For a moment Ross couldn't help wondering if he was in the wrong flat, but then Melissa stood up and came over to him, and he froze. It crossed his mind that he might be dreaming; it had happened before.

"Hey Ross," Melissa said huskily, kissing him on the cheek. "I've been waiting for you."

Ross blinked. "Uh, all night?"

Melissa laughed softly. "Of course. You're my husband and I really think we haven't been spending enough time together lately. What do you think?"

It was difficult to think at all when she was pressed right up against him, her lips mere inches from his. This was a position he hadn't found himself in for what seemed like a very long time, and for some reason it was making him slightly nervous. Ordinarily he would be thinking that it was odd for Melissa to suddenly try to seduce him when for months she'd been avoiding him like the plague, but his brain wasn't operating correctly.

"Uh, I think that's cool," was all he managed before she pounced, kissing him and pulling him down to the floor, where they made love just like they did when they first got together, except this time Ross couldn't escape a nagging feeling at the back of his mind. Unfortunately, it couldn't quite compete with the more than nagging feeling elsewhere in his body, so he forgot about it for the moment, glad that maybe his marriage wasn't going to fail after all.

"Oh God." Melissa always said the same thing before she came, and this time was no different as she closed her eyes and threw her head back. Ross would have watched her, but something else happened instead. He closed his eyes, saw Rachel smiling at him, and that was it.

Melissa's eyes snapped open and she glared up at Ross, who felt very exposed all of a sudden, despite the fact he was with his wife.

"What the hell? You could've waited for me!" She let out a noise of frustration and scrambled out from underneath him, reaching for her robe and tying it around her. "Looks like I'll just have to finish me off myself," she said bitingly, striding to the bathroom where she slammed the door and locked it loudly.

Ross lay on the floor and sighed. Now she was going to be awful to live with for days until she forgave him for being such a selfish lover. He didn't care. It was bad enough having his own guilt settling in his stomach when he thought about what had finished _him_ off. Rachel. Thinking about Rachel, a girl who he'd met twice and both times bored to tears, probably. It just didn't make sense; he'd never even considered another girl during sex before.

"I need some air," he said, to no one in particular, and after hastily getting dressed, headed out to the cold night and to the one person he was sure would listen to him: Monica.

* * *

Monica usually kept her door unlocked during the day, as so many people came and went, but it was unusual for it to still be open past midnight and post-party. Ross frowned as he tried the doorknob and found no resistance. He stepped inside and was immediately struck by how untidy the apartment was; the party had ended over an hour before and Monica hadn't cleaned yet. It was all very weird and Ross couldn't help worrying, especially as his sister was nowhere in sight.

"Monica?" he called as he pushed the door closed behind him. "Mon? Are you here?"

"Just a minute!" she replied from the bedroom, and thirty seconds later she appeared, with her hair slightly dishevelled and tying a dressing gown around her waist. She smiled a little too brightly for Ross to believe she was truly happy to see him. "Ross, hey! What are you doing back here? Do you know what time it is?" Now she was putting on her fake-cheerful voice, and Ross rolled his eyes.

"Never mind, I'll go," he said, and turned to leave, but Monica grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

"No, no, don't go," she said quietly. "Sorry, just tired. What's up?" She led him across to the sofa and they sat down together, Monica crossing her legs beneath her as she waited for Ross to speak.

"It's Melissa," he sighed, feeling depressed merely saying her name.

"Oh, no. What happened this time?"

"We had sex."

Monica looked confused at this. "And that's a problem, why?"

Ross groaned and dropped his head in his hands. "I know, it sounds stupid. But I fucked it up, Mon. I… I was thinking about someone else."

At this, Monica let out a gasp and Ross looked up reproachfully. "What? Who? I didn't know you did that!"

"I don't! I mean, not usually, okay? I've never been that sort of guy. I'm not Joey!"

Monica shrugged and nodded at this. "That's very true. So what made you do it this time? Was it that crap?"

It was Ross' turn to shrug. "To be honest, I can't really remember. All I know is Melissa started the whole thing and my heart wasn't really in it. She's been acting so weird recently and suddenly she wants sex? I don't get it. And it just… happened. For me. Nothing happened for her after that, which is probably why she got so mad and locked herself in the bathroom."

Monica continued to look surprised at these revelations. "Well, on one hand I can't say I blame her. What's the point of sex without…?" She caught sight of Ross' expression and quickly changed tack. "But I agree, that does seem strange that she was all over you for no reason. Except maybe that she's your wife…"

"Is she? I'd kinda forgotten," Ross said, somewhat bitterly. That infuriated him more than anything. He never used to be bitter before Melissa. He'd always been pretty optimistic and despite some rough knocks, he'd always tried to see the good side of things. Now, though, all he could see was being trapped in this bizarre marriage.

Monica aimed a sympathetic look his way. "Ross, come on. Don't beat yourself up about this. You're not the only person to have thought about another girl during sex. You never know, she might have been thinking of someone else as well." Monica sighed, and Ross glared at her. "Sorry. That was stupid of me."

"Yeah, it was," Ross said sulkily, reverting for a moment to when they were kids and everything was easier. Well, not everything… but some things.

"Can I ask, who were you thinking about?"

"No, you can't ask," Ross retorted. "Look, thanks for listening, but I guess I'd better get back…" He paused, his eyes having come to rest on a shirt half-hidden under the coffee table. He recognised it immediately, and narrowed his eyes at Monica. "Mon? What the hell is Chandler's shirt doing on the floor?"

Monica's mouth dropped open only a tiny bit before she recovered her composure, but Ross had already seen her expression and was on his feet in a flash.

"Oh my God, he's here isn't he? You weren't tired! You're… sleeping with him? I don't believe this!" Ross knew deep down that he was probably overreacting, but taking his anger out on this situation was preferable to waiting until he went home. "Chandler! I wanna word with you!"

"Ross, stop it!" Monica hissed, but Ross was already at the bedroom door, banging on it hard. "Ross!"

"Come on Chandler, you're only my best friend, why shouldn't I be elated you're shagging my baby sister!" Ross roared, feeling the tension lease out of him a bit.

"Ross, for God's sake, calm down!" Monica shouted, yanking his arm down and glaring at him. "You're being ridiculous!"

"Oh, I'm being ridiculous? Never mind you and him!" Ross banged once more for good measure before backing away from the door and sinking down into the armchair. "I don't believe this…"

Monica sat down on the coffee table, looking anxious. "I'm so sorry, we didn't want you to find out like this," she said pleadingly. "Please just calm down."

"How long has this been going on for?" was Ross' question, ignoring Monica's last words. "How long has this been a secret? Does anyone else know? Does Joey know?"

"Maybe…"

"Oh, this is great," Ross said sarcastically. "Joey knows before I do. Shouldn't be surprised, really. I'm bloody useless at everything anyway, who'd want to tell me anything?"

Monica moved over so she was sitting on the arm of the chair. "Ross, that's not why we didn't tell you. Joey walked in on us kissing a few weeks ago; we didn't tell him, and we wouldn't have told him if that hadn't happened. Certainly not before we told you! Don't be silly! You're my brother! Ross, I want you to be happy for me. Chandler and I have been together for over four months, and it's going really well. Neither of us expected it to. In fact, we're still scared we'll mess up, so we wanted to wait till we were sure before we told you." She smiled. "Come on, you're the best brother ever. You have to see that this is a good thing. I've finally found someone I love."

Ross closed his eyes and leaned back in the sofa. He knew she was right; of course she was right. He would never stand in the way of his sister's happiness, and he supposed the fact she was happy with his best friend had to be better than with some strange guy he knew nothing about.

When Ross opened his eyes again, he pulled Monica in for a hug.

"I am happy for you, Mon," he said truthfully. "One of us should be in love, at least." He kissed the top of her head, and she laughed and looked up.

"You'll be in love again," she said gently. "I know you will."

Ross nodded, but inside he was wondering if that was ever going to be possible when right then, he felt he might never love again.

* * *

Ross didn't see Melissa again until the following afternoon, when their paths crossed on Ross' way to the coffee shop, and Melissa's way somewhere else. They exchanged an uncomfortable look before Ross went over to her, realising he had to make the effort, because he was pretty sure she wasn't going to.

"Hey Mel," he said as amiably as he could manage. "Where are you off to?"

"Just back to work," she replied, over-cheerfully. "I had an early lunch, loads to do, you know what it's like." She gave him a tight smile, and he nodded.

"Yeah, I definitely do. How… How is work going?" He neglected to mention how stupid it was for them to be discussing work in the middle of the street when they shared a flat and should talk about the subject there.

Melissa nodded. "It's fine. Just busy. I never know whether I'm coming or going these days." That had sounded slightly loaded, and Ross glanced away, feeling more like a stranger to her than ever before. He didn't want to get upset, but it was difficult when he was beginning to see how much of sham his marriage had become. Something had changed with her, he was sure, because he didn't remember changing.

"Ok, well I'd better go for my lunch," he said, and was away before she could say any more. It was a relief to seek the refuge of Central Perk, inside which he found Monica and Joey.

"Hey Ross!" Monica smiled upon seeing him. "Joey and I were just working out tonight's songs. Sit down and give us your opinion!"

Ross did as he was told, trying to ignore his heavy heart and think about other things – like the fact that he would be seeing Rachel again later. Just her face in his mind's eye made his gloom lift a little.

* * *

By the time the gig came around, Ross had made up his mind to enjoy himself and forget about his problems with Melissa for one night, at least. He, Monica, Chandler and Joey were packed into their van and on their way to the venue, which was a slightly-less dingy club than last week, and Joey was driving. Even though Ross was technically happy about Monica and Chandler dating, he still wasn't entirely at ease with the two of them holding hands in front of him, but he didn't feel he could say anything, so settled for staring out of the window and wondering if Rachel really would turn up.

"It doesn't look too bad," Monica said as they pulled up in the car park of the club and got out, Ross taking a moment to stretch after being cramped in the van. He looked at the building and had to agree, he'd been in worse.

"Yeah, it'll be ok," he said reassuringly to her, and moved towards her for a hug, only to be intercepted by Chandler. For a moment, Ross stood staring at the pair of them in their embrace before Joey said something about taking the instruments inside, and he tore his gaze away. So maybe he was becoming redundant in more than one area.

_Why am I even surprised?_

Ross picked up his keyboard and started to follow Joey inside, when he heard his name being called from behind him. He spun around and was both amazed and delighted to see Rachel, with Phoebe in tow, hurrying across the street.

"Hey!" Rachel was smiling, a little nervously it seemed. "Oh wow, you're busy getting ready. I'm sorry, it's just we were finished work early and didn't know what time to come down…"

"It's fine," Ross interrupted, smiling back. "You're very welcome to be here. We're setting up right now but you can watch if you want. It's not interesting, I have to warn you."

Joey laughed from where he was standing nearby, not-so-subtly eyeing up Phoebe. "Since when has not being interesting ever bothered you, Ross?"

Ross really didn't know why people had to wreck his attempts at flirting. It wasn't as if he was that bad, or at least he didn't think he was. Melissa had been won over after only six months…

_Great. So now we're thinking about your wife and also pissing yourself off at how bad a flirt you are?_

Rachel, however, didn't appear to be bothered by Joey's comment. She accompanied Ross into the backstage area of the club, which was fairly small and not very well ventilated. Ross glanced around as he set down the keyboard.

"I wonder if there's a radiator we can turn down," he mused out loud, walking over to the other side of the room and peering behind the couch. "Oh, yeah, there is!" He looked round to see Rachel watching him. "I'll just get this place a little cooler." She nodded and perched on the edge of a high stool while Ross turned the knob on the radiator. "Now, this way is on, so this must be…" And with that, the knob came off in Ross' hand. He froze, unable to believe he had been so stupid. How could he have broken the radiator? Rachel was really going to end up hating him, and he couldn't help but think she ought to. There was no way he deserved someone like her.

_And besides, you're married!_

_Yeah, right, like that counts these days. She hates me._

Ross turned around, bracing himself for explaining to Rachel his inability to turn a radiator off, when Monica and Chandler walked in.

"Woah, it's hot in here," Monica said, her eyes widening. "What is with this room?"

Ross was about to answer when Joey arrived with a giggling Phoebe.

"Can you guys leave the door open? It's boiling here," Monica pointed out to them, and Joey eventually looked up, frowning.

"I'll sort it," he said confidently, walking over to where Ross was standing, clutching the radiator knob and trying to avoid Rachel's eyes. "Dude, what are you doing?"

"Breaking the damn radiator!" Ross hissed, shoving the knob into Joey hands. "I am useless at everything!"

Joey kneeled down, fumbling around at the bottom of the radiator. "Don't say that, you're good at some stuff. Like, uh, telling us how Jurassic Park couldn't happen."

Ross rolled his eyes. "Great. Yeah, that'll really impress someone as incredible as Rachel." It was only once the words had left his mouth that Ross realised he had actually spoken them out loud. "Oh God," he mumbled, as Joey straightened up.

"I turned it off under there, it's sorted," he explained. "And what are you talking about? You're wife's name is Melissa! Jeez, and you say I'm bad." He went back over to Phoebe, and Ross mentally apologised to her for the future she was possibly about to embark upon.

"Ross, can you take this microphone through to the stage?" Monica handed Ross the stand and he nodded. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," he replied, smiling. He looked across at Rachel, who was now talking to Chandler and showing him something in a magazine. Her eyes were bright and she kept laughing, emphasising how beautiful she was and making it difficult for Ross to drag his gaze away. He forced himself to, but he felt a huge sense of disappointment settle in his stomach as he carried the mic into the main club and onto the stage. Rachel was just a nice girl he'd met a few times and Monica knew vaguely from high school. She didn't actually mean anything to him and for all he knew, she thought he was goofy and stupid. He wouldn't blame her if she did think that. He was nowhere near the rich good-looking bankers her mother had selected for her perfect daughter, and above all, he was married already. He didn't want to be feeling this way; it wasn't him. He wanted to be making a life with his wife, planning kids, being happy together. He certainly had never intended even thinking about another woman in a romantic context, but things had become so intensely difficult lately that he'd needed a release, even if it was something that couldn't become more.

Just as he was getting ready to make some kind of conversation with Rachel, Ross thought he heard someone call his name.

"Hello? Anyone there?" He stared into the dimness of the club, not fully expecting a reply. He was startled, therefore, when he felt a hand touch him gently on the shoulder, and jumped with fright.

"Hi Ross."

It was Melissa.

* * *

**A/N:** I wish there was a dramatic-music button you could click at these points of the story! Fortunately, there IS a review button, so go ahead! 


	7. Chapter Seven

**A/N:** sob I've just been watching TOW Rachel's Going Away Party and she and Ross are just the best. Anyway. Here's a longer chapter for you as a reward for all your lovely reviews. And also, I felt like writing more, lol! I've been alternating chapters between Rachel and Ross's viewpoints, but this one has both because it's much easier for me to switch during a chapter than wait till the next one. I'm sorry there's not much from any of the others but this is primarily a RR fic. Oh, and I know it's not a very realistic chapter in parts, but then Friends wasn't always realistic and it doesn't matter! ;)

_I'm missing you, girl even though you're right here by my side_

'_Cause lately it seems the distance between us is growing too wide_

_I'm so afraid that you're saying it's over_

_It's the last thing that I want to hear_

_But if your heart's not in it for real_

_Please don't try and fake what you don't feel_

_If love's already gone it's not fair to lead me on_

'_Cause I would give the whole world for you_

_Anything you ask of me, I'd do_

_But I won't ask you to stay, I'd rather walk away_

_If your heart's not in it_

Westlife

* * *

**Chapter Seven**

It took a good few minutes for Ross to recover from the immediate shock of seeing Melissa anywhere near a club he was playing at. He walked right around the echoing dancefloor, every now and then casting suspicious glances her way. She was sitting on the edge of the stage, swinging her legs and staring down at her hands, looking distinctly uncomfortable.

"Ross, I…"

"You know, I don't get it, Mel," he said angrily, going up the steps to the stage and standing behind her. "You've never once come to a gig, and suddenly you're here, trying for a quick shag? What is going on?"

Melissa sighed heavily and stood up, brushing her skirt down. "Ross, calm down. Nothing is going on! I just thought it was about time I came to one of my husband's band… things. I was sure you'd be pleased to see me."

"I would, if I believed you really came to see me," Ross shot back. "Since when have you even noticed me? Not for a long time, Melissa! We share an apartment and somehow we don't know anything about each other's lives any more. You come home and go to bed, or I'm home and you ignore me. We don't even fucking talk! And now you're here, pretending you give a shit about what I enjoy doing?" Ross found he was out of breath, and stepped back a little, avoiding Melissa's eyes. He closed his eyes and ran his hands through his hair, wishing this wasn't happening now, while everyone else was sitting a room away, including Rachel.

_Why the hell am I thinking about Rachel? Melissa's here. She's my wife. Rachel's nobody._

Ross shook his head at his own transparency. It really was something else, trying to lie convincingly to yourself, he thought, before opening his eyes and seeing Melissa watching him beadily.

"Why don't you want me?" she asked accusingly.

This took Ross aback. "What?"

"You. Why don't you want me? Don't you fancy me any more? Am I not pretty enough? Maybe there are too many groupies hanging around."

"Of course I fancy you! And of course you're pretty! And come on, the groupies always go for Joey." Ross attempted a smile, but Melissa wasn't playing. He sighed. "Please, Mel. I just don't understand."

She moved closer, pressing herself up against him. "Let me make it easier for you," she purred, kissing him possessively on the lips, moaning deep within her throat and tugging at his jeans. "Mmm… We've got time, right?" she said, her lips dangerously close to his ear. He gulped and staggered backwards under the force of her assault.

"Uh, not really, Mel, everyone's next door, can't we just…"

"Ross? Where are you? We need to set the keyboards up!"

The sound of Monica's voice brought Ross harshly back to reality, and he broke away from Melissa. She glared at him and wiped her mouth before stalking away, off the stage and over to the main exit. Ross was breathing rapidly by the time Monica was by his side.

"What's going on? Who was that who just ran away?"

"Melissa," he replied, almost sadly, as his confusion heightened. He had no idea what kind of game his wife was attempting to play, but it didn't sit well with him. She didn't seem to have a concept of what he felt and how he wanted things to work between them. Instead, she chopped and changed and didn't ever explain herself, so Ross didn't know how to work through whatever problems they might be having. And as for the sudden re-awakening interest in having sex with him, Ross really didn't know what to make of it. He'd been pretty sure Melissa didn't find him remotely attractive any more, if indeed she ever really had, so these last couple of surprise encounters had thrown him off balance.

None of this, however, could be explained to Monica, and certainly not when the two of them were joined moments later by Chandler and Rachel, both carrying other pieces of equipment.

"I've never been a roadie before," Rachel giggled as she set down the other mic stand. "Maybe this is my calling, rather than serving burgers in that crappy diner."

"Which crappy diner do you work in?" Chandler asked. "Because I frequent many, and it would be an added bonus to be served by you."

Rachel smiled. "You know the place with the red plastic chairs and the weird ketchup?"

Chandler's face broke into realisation. "Oh yeah! Is that place still open? Last I heard it had been shut down… I mean, uh, improved beyond all recognition." He sighed. "Sorry."

"No, it's fine," Rachel replied, nodding. "It's true, it ought to be closed, but for some reason it's still popular. I'd much rather be doing something else, like… Well, I don't know! I've never given it a lot of thought. I'm trained for nothing!"

"Yeah, but you can always find an opening somewhere," Monica said. "You come across well. I bet you'd have no problem if you went for a few interviews." She turned to Ross, who hadn't noticed he'd been staring at Rachel the whole time. What she didn't know was he hadn't really seen Rachel at all. His mind was too full of Melissa to pay attention to much else. "Are you ok?"

He nodded. "I'm fine. You'd better find Joey, we need to practise." He wandered over to his keyboard, wondering when and why marriage had become so difficult – and then, when and why Rachel had started staring back at him, and by the looks of things, not unseeingly.

* * *

As the four band members went offstage for intermission, Rachel turned to Phoebe expectantly.

"Well, what do you think?"

"Yeah, they were pretty good, although I think I preferred the songs they sang last week."

Rachel shook her head. "No, not that! I mean about Ross! He was definitely looking over a good few times, and he smiled once. AND earlier, he stared at me for a while!"

"Oh, yeah, he did," Phoebe agreed. "But Rach, didn't you tell me he's married?"

Rachel paused to glance across at the stage, imagining Ross there, singing a song to her. Sure, she knew it was foolish to get carried away when the guy had a wife, but he hadn't seemed that happy. And it didn't hurt to remind him of what else was out there. Rachel explained this to Phoebe, who sighed.

"Look, I know you really like him, but that's not the point! You don't know how he feels about you, even if you remove the whole marriage problem. I want you to be careful, Rach; I'd hate to see you get hurt."

"I know," Rachel nodded. "You're right, this is crazy. I can't help it, though. I don't even know what it is. There's something about him, and not just the fact he's really cute." She giggled slightly nervously, even more so when Ross and the others came back on stage and waved to the two girls. "Maybe I haven't been with a man in so long and it's messing with my mind. I mean, I hardly know him!"

"Yeah. That's all true. I hardly know Joey either and we're going out tomorrow night." No sooner had Phoebe said it then she suddenly pretended to be very interested in her cocktail umbrella.

Rachel's jaw dropped as she stared at her friend. "Pheebs! You're sitting there lecturing me and all the time you're about to date Joey? You are such a hypocrite!"

"I am not!" Phoebe protested. "Joey isn't married, and I know he likes me! That's not the same thing as going after some married guy who's probably all confused and vulnerable!"

Rachel folded her arms and fixed her gaze on Monica, who was singing a song Rachel had never heard before. On one level, Rachel was angry with Phoebe for saying all those things. On another level, she knew they weren't all entirely false things, and was more angry about the fact Phoebe was basically right. Rachel couldn't even try to start something up with Ross, because he was married to some other girl. Whether she made him happy or not wasn't the issue. Rachel so badly wanted to be able to accept that and move on, and as she watched him, she tried to convince herself she wasn't really attracted to him after all. It might have worked, too, had he not chosen that moment to look over at her again and smile, sending Rachel's pulse soaring. She didn't know the reason, and she didn't care. All she knew was she wanted him so badly it was starting to hurt, and she had to have him, no matter what.

* * *

After the gig, a somewhat reluctant Rachel and a much more eager Phoebe piled into the back of the van along with Monica, Chandler and Joey, who had lost the coin-toss to Ross over whose turn it was to drive next.

"I don't get it! Five times in a row!" Joey moaned as he pulled the van door shut. "Heads he wins, tails I lose!"

Monica and Rachel exchanged glances and smiled, while Phoebe was too busy attempting to sit on Joey's lap to even notice what he was saying.

"So we're going to the coffee house," Monica said to Rachel and Phoebe. "We hang out there pretty much all the time. They do really good muffins, too."

"Great, I'm starving," Rachel replied. "We didn't have enough money for dinner tonight, so I brought home some stuff from work. I honestly have no idea why people pay to eat that stuff!"

Ten minutes later, Ross stopped the van outside Central Perk, and Rachel followed Monica out, straightening her skirt once safely on the pavement. The others got out too and Phoebe shut the doors, while Ross was locking up at the front.

"Well, this is it," he said, walking towards the front door of the coffee house. "This is where we spend loads of time." He led the way inside and Rachel immediately found herself liking the place. It had a very homely feel to it, and there was a comfortable-looking sofa on which Ross had just sat down. "This is our sofa!" he added, grinning.

"You can't see our names, but if you look closely our assprints let everyone know it belongs to us," Chandler quipped, taking a seat at the other end. Monica sat beside him, and Rachel hovered, especially when Joey pulled Phoebe into his lap over in the large armchair.

"There's plenty of room here, Rach," Monica offered, patting the space between her and Ross. Rachel nodded, although her palms were sweating a little. She hadn't expected to be so close to Ross, and she wasn't sure it was such a good idea, given the circumstances and how much she was starting to like him. One look at Phoebe told her the blonde agreed, but Rachel didn't have much choice when Monica reached up and grabbed her hand.

"Come on, we're about to have muffins!" she exclaimed, as Rachel was brought down on the sofa with a bounce.

"Oh, um, I'm okay thanks," Rachel said quickly, surprised to see a plate of three or four muffins already on the table. "I mean, I paid rent today, so I can't really afford…" She felt herself blushing and again cursed her rotten job and terrible apartment.

"Don't worry about it Rachel, you can share this one with me if you like." Ross held out a delicious-looking blueberry muffin, and as Rachel met his eyes, she swallowed hard. He was so sweet and his eyes were really lovely…

"Well, uh, if you're sure," she said, as casually as possible, which in reality wasn't very. "I mean, it's yours, I don't want to be rude or anything…"

"No, it's fine," he insisted, handing the plate to her. "You're not being rude at all. I offered. In fact, just have the whole thing, I'll get another one."

"I can't let you do that," Rachel protested, trying to shove the plate back into his hands. Momentarily, she was unsure why she was refusing nice food from a cute guy she fancied, but it pleased her to realise her spoilt streak was actually disappearing.

"Of course you can," Ross said gently, getting up from the sofa. "I'll be back in a minute."

Rachel bit into the muffin and sighed. She hadn't thought it was possible to want Ross more, but now she did. Why did he have to be so nice to her? Guys she liked usually treated her like dirt once they got what they wanted, or at least tried and were refused. Ross seemed to have respect and he was generous. It made such a pleasant change, and also made it all the more infuriating that he was already married.

Rachel's thoughts were interrupted by giggling, which, when she looked up, saw was coming from Phoebe. She was being tickled by Joey and from the looks of things, not putting up a lot of resistance. Rachel rolled her eyes. She didn't really want to be alone when she went home, but she guessed that Phoebe would probably end up going back with Joey. Suddenly it seemed to Rachel as if everyone except her was happy in some sort of relationship, and it was rather depressing.

Ross returned and sat down beside Rachel, who brightened. "Hey, apparently they're looking for waitresses here. I thought maybe you'd be interested, Rachel? I mean, I know it's not that great, but you sound like you hate your job and at least this place is clean and…" He looked apprehensively at her. "I didn't mean to sound like you can't do better than here, because you can, it's just…"

Rachel smiled. He was too adorable! "I know you didn't mean that," she said reassuringly. "Thanks for letting me know, I'll go and ask. Anything is better than the stupid diner." She glanced around. "Besides, I think I like it here already."

Ross smiled back. "I'm glad. Maybe we'll see you around more often, then?"

Rachel nodded. "Yeah, definitely," she said, and a shy silence hung in the air around them until Joey started telling everyone about another audition he had the next day.

* * *

Six days later and Rachel was almost jumping for joy. She'd handed in her notice at the diner and was working her very final shift. It was difficult to contain her excitement about leaving, but Alice had already warned her twice, so she was trying. It had turned out that Ross had been right, and Central Perk was in need of a new waitress. Rachel had explained to the manager, Gunther, that she had some experience of working in a restaurant and she could give references, but he hadn't appeared to need them, telling her she could start straight away. And quite apart from the Ross-issue, Rachel was simply over the moon to be able to work in a much nicer part of town, and hoped that one day she might be able to live there as well.

Just as Rachel was carrying a tray over to the corner table, she glanced out of the window and noticed Ross walking past. She quickly set the tray down and smiled as she was supposed to, before running to the door and stepping outside.

"Ross!"

He turned and when he saw it was Rachel, his face broke into a smile.

"Hey Rach," he said, coming back towards her. "How are you doing?"

"Oh, fine, you know," she replied, hoping she didn't look too run-down and sweaty. "Just doing my last afternoon, I can't wait to leave!"

"Is this where you work? Wow, I never knew that. I guess I could come in for a coffee if it's your last day." He looked hesitantly at her, but Rachel wasn't about to say no. She beckoned him inside and showed him a small table in the middle of the floor.

"I know this isn't the best but it's the only one of my tables free," she explained, handing him a menu. "And I know you said coffee but seriously, I wouldn't order that from here. Maybe a milkshake would be better?"

Ross nodded. "Okay, sure, whatever you recommend." He smiled. "So, you're not sorry to be leaving, huh?"

"No way," Rachel said firmly. "It barely pays my bills. I mean, I don't imagine the coffee house will be mega-bucks either but at least it's closer to home and I can catch up with Monica properly, and of course you'll be in sometimes…"

"All the time," Ross corrected, and held her gaze for a couple of seconds. "Because we practically live there anyway," he added quickly.

Rachel promised she'd return and went to get the milkshake, when she heard someone calling her name and spun around to see Melissa, the woman who had been in the week before.

"Oh, hi!" Rachel said brightly, fetching a tall glass from behind the counter. "You came back then."

"Couldn't stay away," Melissa deadpanned, taking a seat at the long counter and sighing. "This is a great place to hide from my husband. He'd never set foot in here, which is fine by me."

"Aww, things still no better?" Rachel asked, her eyes flicking momentarily to Ross at the other table, where he was leafing through a magazine. Rachel had time to muse at how good he looked in a suit, before Melissa's voice brought her back to reality.

"No, if anything they're worse. I don't know why I'm even telling you this, I don't know you." Melissa ran a hand through her hair. "Can I get a tea please?"

"Sure, let me finish this first. And hey, don't worry about talking to me. I hear a lot worse, believe me, and anyway it might be better to get advice from someone impartial. You have to do it today, though, because this is my last shift." Rachel couldn't help noticing she sounded prouder every time she uttered those words.

"Really? Good for you," Melissa smiled. "You're right, though. At least you don't know my husband and you can't tell him…"

"Exactly." Rachel searched for a straw and decided two would be so cute.

"Well…" Melissa leaned across the counter. "I'm having an affair."

Rachel's jaw dropped and it was all she could do not to let the same thing happen to the full glass she was holding. "What? You're married! Are you crazy?"

Melissa frowned. "You're meant to be impartial."

"I am, but come on, no wonder you're having problems, Melissa. An affair? Does he know?"

"Of course not, neither of them do, I know how to cover my tracks. I'm confused, Rachel. Has this ever happened to you? I don't know what to do, which guy to leave."

Rachel restrained the urge to point out that she had never had any sort of affair and neither was she going to; that it was exactly the behaviour which had led her mother and father to fight like cat and dog for weeks on end, and if it didn't end up in divorce Rachel knew she'd be more than surprised. Instead, she settled for a forced look of sympathy.

"Look, I'm impartial, remember? All I can say is it's not worth it, and you're hurting both these guys. And also, it's a good thing I'm leaving, because I just realised I'm rubbish at giving advice. I have to serve someone, excuse me." And Rachel walked over to Ross, who looked up from his magazine. "Sorry I took so long, I was chatting to customers," Rachel said, setting the glass down. "Apparently people are going to miss me."

"Yeah, I bet," Ross said sincerely, blushing a little. "It'll be better at Central Perk, though, honestly. Gunther's cool and I don't think the hours are bad." He looked as if he was toying with the idea of saying the next part. "Maybe one day we can…"

"What?" Rachel couldn't help interrupting as she stared at him, wondering what he was going to suggest. Maybe one day they could stay behind after work? Maybe one day they could go out to dinner? Maybe one day they might end up…

"Oh my God!"

Rachel blinked. That was not what she had been expecting to hear from Ross, even less so when he stood up and marched over to the counter, right up to Melissa, who nearly fell off her seat at seeing him.

"Ross! What the hell are you doing here?" she hissed.

"I could ask you the same question," he retorted, as Rachel rushed over.

"Just leave me alone, I'll talk to you later," Melissa said, sounding irritated. "Please."

"Hey guys, calm down." Rachel didn't want a scene, especially on her last day, and she was also intrigued as to how the two knew each other. Then it dawned on her, and she moved closer to speak to Melissa. "Is this him?" she demanded, suddenly annoyed. She wasn't sure whether she was more annoyed on Ross' behalf, or for the fact that it mean he was taken and in a messy situation. All she knew was Melissa's pretty blue eyes seemed to have lost their friendly quality, particularly when she glared at Rachel and told her to be quiet. "No, I won't! He deserves to know he's being messed around, okay? He deserves to know that you're married!"

A hush descended upon the restaurant, letting Rachel know that she hadn't been remotely discreet. She felt her cheeks burn with embarrassment, until her eyes fell to Ross and it hit her. He wasn't the other man. He was the husband. How had she been so stupid? Had she actually forgotten he was married?

As it was, Melissa was glaring even more at Rachel, while Ross was simply staring at Melissa, the reason behind Rachel'swords sinking in. Rachel didn't think she could remember feeling more terrible and more foolish. This wasn't even any of her business.

"I'm sorry, Ross," she said at last, so quietly she wasn't sure he could have heard it. She didn't find out if he had, either, because he turned on his heel and stormed out of the diner, leaving a fuming Melissa and a very unhappy Rachel.

* * *

**A/N:** Dun dun duuuuun! Rachel's mistake is exactly the sort of thing I do. Anyway, if you liked that please review, you know what to do, don't make me blue, 'cause you know it's true, I love reviews! Wow, really missed my calling in poetry. 


	8. Chapter Eight

**A/N:** Hey, I'm back. Bet you thought I'd given up? Well I haven't – it's just that I also write fics in another fandom, and I had the latest chapter of what they over there call my 'saga' to finish, and I hadn't written it in months, it was driving me mad, so I finally got that done before Christmas! Oh yeah, hope you all had a great Christmas and New Year. Just a few random points, nothing fic-related: 1) Have you seen Uprising? If not, I recommend it! David's in it, and quite apart from that, it's just very good. We never got it in the first place over here so I bought the DVD, yay for me! 2) You know how there's some Friends scenes you just HAVE to rewind while you're watching cause they're so damn funny? Well mine include when Rachel tells Ross about the baby, and he's 'indignant as a consumer' about the condoms. Laugh? I just about died.

Anyway, enough of my waffling! This chapter's a bit longer I think, I hope not too long but I wanted to make it longer and I had lots to include, so I hope you enjoy it! To everyone who thinks Ross should divorce Melissa: TOTALLY! She's a bitch. If she was real I'd slap her.

* * *

I would have given you all of my heart

But there's someone who's torn it apart

And she's taken just all that I have

But if you want I'll try to love again

Baby I'll try to love again but I know

The first cut is the deepest…

* * *

**Chapter Eight**

When he was younger, Ross had always dreamed about finding the woman he was destined to spend his life with. He'd wanted to get married to whoever his soulmate turned out to be, and settle down, live in a big house, have kids. It had never mattered that his peers had all been far more interested in going from girl to girl and worrying about nothing except exams. Ross was different, and even though he'd hardly been anything resembling popular in either high school or college, he'd held out hope that one day, the woman of his dreams would arrive and everything would fall into place.

And then he met Melissa; a gorgeous blonde, exactly the type who you hoped might walk into museum while you were there doing research, but realistically knew never would. Melissa did, against all the odds, and more surprisingly to Ross he'd managed to hold a conversation with her that wasn't embarrassing. Maybe the fact it had been his first proper adult relationship had led him to rush marriage, but he'd honestly believed she was The One. Nothing in his mind had ever made him doubt that until these past few months in which it had all deteriorated, and what was left was the truth.

Melissa was having an affair.

God, it hurt like hell to even think the words. Ross closed his eyes as spots of rain dripped insultingly from a murky sky and landed on him haphazardly. He didn't want to go inside and face anyone; staying out and getting wet was a far better option. He certainly couldn't see Melissa, not right now when her betrayal was so fresh in his mind. He wondered if it would ever be anything less than fresh in his mind, and then wondered if it was his fault for proposing in the first place, perhaps pressurizing her in some way.

Ross knew deep down that wasn't true. Nobody forced Melissa to do what she didn't want to. And, clearly, she wanted to sleep with someone else. Ross wasn't sure why she'd suddenly started trying to sleep with him again in the past week, but he suspected it wasn't really about him or their relationship at all. He'd become secondary to Melissa's thoughts and games she was playing with her other man. Ross couldn't believe he'd been so naïve. Surely there had been signs, there must have been, she'd been so off lately…

And what was worse, Rachel knew about it before he did. It wasn't that he didn't like or trust Rachel – quite the opposite on both counts – but he was ashamed that such an amazing girl had found out what a total loser he was. Not only was he being cheated on, but he'd practically forgotten his wife in the moments he'd almost asked Rachel out for coffee. That wasn't like him. He didn't really understand the reason for the way time seemed to slow right down and the world was closed off whenever he spoke to Rachel. She was so beautiful; she lit something inside him that hadn't been touched for a long time.

The rain was splashing now, and ordinarily Ross would have run for cover. This time, he remained where he was as other people dashed for shelter, and tilted his head up so that the drops mingled with the tears falling down his cheeks. That way no one would know he was crying.

* * *

"I can't believe it. I'm so stupid."

Over at Central Perk, Rachel was relaying the story to a horrified Monica. Yes, it wasn't going to make things better by spreading the news on Ross' behalf, but Rachel had been so utterly mortified that she'd had no choice other than leaving the diner there and then and heading to see if she could find anyone to talk to.

"You're not stupid, Rach," Monica said, patting her shoulder. "That Melissa… God, wait till I see her, she'll wish she hadn't married into the Gellers!"

Rachel neglected to point out that Melissa seemed to be regretting that decision already, and instead groaned out loud again at the memory.

"It was awful. Poor Ross. I've never seen anyone look that hurt, Mon. I feel terrible, he must hate me." This concerned Rachel above all else, to her selfish dismay, because she liked him a LOT and the thought of him not speaking to her again…

"Of course he doesn't hate you," Monica said with a sigh. "Ross doesn't hate anyone. Well, maybe Melissa now… But you, he doesn't hate you, silly. He really cares about you."

"He does?" Rachel couldn't resist smiling a little.

"He does," Monica nodded. "He'll be so upset at Melissa, though. I don't know what her problem is. This makes me so mad; it reminds me of stupid stuff in high school."

Rachel peered at her friend. "What kind of stuff?"

Monica shrugged. "Nothing. Just people being mean. It wound me up, that's all, and it's happening to Ross again."

Rachel was intrigued, but she didn't have the chance to press Monica further because Joey and Chandler had just walked in, announcing details of another club gig they'd managed to swing for the band in a couple of weeks. The two girls exchanged a glance that told Rachel not to mention the Ross/Melissa issue to the guys before Ross came home and talked about it. The only problem was, they had no idea where Ross was, and without realising, Rachel was starting to instinctively worry about him.

"Maybe I should go and see him," Rachel mused as she walked beside Monica on their way home. The two guys were talking a few paces ahead, leaving the girls free to discuss Ross and Melissa. "You know, to apologise," she added, when Monica looked at her.

"No, I don't think that's a good idea," Monica replied. "He'll want to be alone right now. If he wants to talk he'll call me, probably, or come over to the apartment. Don't worry, he'll be fine."

Rachel couldn't help worrying though, especially as she felt so guilty about interfering and gossiping. Her father had told her on numerous occasions that her tongue would land her in trouble, and on this count at least he'd been proved right. Rachel knew she'd had no right to tell Melissa what to do in the first place, or to try and defend Ross when really, she didn't know him that well, but thinking back, she also knew she had only done what had seemed the right thing. Ross was always so sweet and lovely to her, and Melissa was being a bitch by cheating… Nothing good ever came from deceiving people who loved you, Rachel thought, as the four of them arrived back at Monica's apartment, where they found Phoebe sitting outside on the step.

"Pheebs? What are you doing here?"

"Oh God, Rach." Phoebe stood up and hugged Rachel tightly as the others looked on. "I'm so glad you came here, I thought you were still at work but they said you'd already finished, and obviously you hadn't been home so I hoped you'd be here." Phoebe was talking very quickly and her blonde hair was flying about her face as she gesticulated wildly. She was in quite a state and Monica ushered her and Rachel into the warm flat, followed by Chandler and Joey, who immediately headed for the fridge.

"Here, have a seat, I'll make you some coffee," Monica offered with a smile, and Phoebe sat down at the table gratefully, Rachel taking the adjacent chair and holding Phoebe's hand.

"Okay Pheebs, what on earth happened? Are you okay?"

Phoebe nodded. "I think so. I mean, I am, but our apartment isn't."

Rachel felt her heart sink. This was all they needed. "Our apartment? Why, what about it?"

"Well, for a start they want to evict us, because apparently we don't pay enough rent, although where they get that from I have no idea," Phoebe shrugged. "Anyway, they're renovating all the apartments into like really expensive fancy ones that we'll never afford on our one income, which by the way I know is totally my fault."

Rachel squeezed Phoebe's hand. "Honey, it's okay."

"I'm not finished!" Phoebe sighed impatiently. "That's what happened after you left for work, when I finally opened the mail. But when I went out to try and find a job or something, I came back and there had been a fire in the building and by the time the fire brigade got there our living room was trashed." Phoebe bit her lip. "That was my first real home and it's gone. No matter which way you look at it, Rach, we're homeless."

Rachel couldn't believe it. She almost asked what had started the fire, but thought better of it when she saw how upset Phoebe already was. "Hey, we'll find somewhere Pheebs," she said, and hugged her friend. "Just don't tell my dad, he'll say he told me so, and I hate that." She was trying her best to joke, but deep down Rachel was really worried. She hardly had any money now that she was between jobs, as most of her last savings had gone on this month's rent.

"Rachel, Phoebe?"

The two of them looked up to see Monica standing there, with a cup of coffee in her hand which she set down before Phoebe.

"I couldn't help overhearing, and well, I have a spare room here if one of you wants to stay."

"Are you sure?" Rachel asked, taken aback. "I don't know if I could impose on you like that… I mean, if either of us could." She knew she'd said the wrong thing – again – but Phoebe smiled.

"It's fine Rach, you stay here and I'll find somewhere else. I'm more used to this kinda thing than you are, you'd never last. And you know Monica a lot better than I do, it just makes more sense."

Rachel shook her head. "I'm not gonna leave you all alone, Pheebs, no way."

"Well, one of you could sleep on the sofa," Monica reasoned. "I only have the one extra bed, but it's up to you guys, I honestly don't mind. I don't want to see either of you homeless."

"I can sleep on the sofa," Phoebe said straight away, standing up. "I don't even work, Rachel needs her sleep more than I do. And anyway, I plan to find somewhere else to live soon. I have tons of friends." And with that, she excused herself and went to the bathroom.

"Does she really have tons of friends?" Joey asked, emerging from the fridge with a stack of food.

"Yeah, friends who all live on the streets," Rachel groaned, dropping her head into her hands. "This is a disaster. Imagine evicting us! I pay my rent, that's the only thing I spend money on these days!"

"It's terrible," Monica agreed. "But you'll be fine here, and to be honest you two will keep me company. I've been thinking about getting a roommate for a while now, give me someone to talk to."

"You have me," Chandler offered, at which Monica rolled her eyes.

"We've been going out four months. We don't talk!" she said, making Rachel laugh. "So do you need us to give you a hand fetching your stuff?"

"Oh yeah, I hadn't even thought about that," Rachel said heavily. "Okay, we'll go when Phoebe comes out of the bathroom. God, I hope I have some clothes left."

"I hope you don't," Joey said with a friendly wink, before departing with his food.

"Is he always like that?" Rachel asked.

"Yep, pretty much. Hey, here's Phoebe back, we can go."

So Rachel, Monica, Phoebe and Chandler went over to the charred apartment, Phoebe gasping in horror as she stepped inside first and saw how blackened the walls were. The sofa was in a bad state, as were the coffee table and chairs. They discovered that the bedrooms had escaped relatively unscathed, but there was a horrible smell and Rachel found the place much colder and more hostile. It didn't feel like home any more.

An hour later, the four were carrying boxes back across to Monica's apartment. It wasn't a difficult task, as the only items salvageable were clothes and shoes and a few ornaments, so they were able to transport everything in one journey. Phoebe had been sad about leaving, but Monica had promised pancakes back at the flat, so everyone felt in a better mood as they walked in the door… apart from Rachel, who still felt guilty about Ross. As Phoebe went to unpack her stuff in Rachel's new room, Rachel decided that no matter what Monica had said, there was no way she could ignore what had happened, and made up her mind to visit Ross later that evening to apologise.

* * *

Ross couldn't believe what he was hearing as he paced up and down the carpet. He'd known Melissa would come home sooner or later, but nothing had prepared him for what she had to tell him. Just when he was sure he couldn't feel worse about the situation, he was proved wrong.

"Ross? Say something." Melissa was still hovering beside the kitchen, sounding apprehensive. Ross didn't think he could look at her, let alone say something. What was she expecting him to say?

"You… You're pregnant? But how can you be?"

"Surely you don't need me to draw you a diagram, Ross," Melissa sighed, infuriating him further. She didn't seem to care about how she was hurting him. It was starting to hit him that she'd probably never loved him like he loved her… or like he used to love her. At the moment, he didn't feel much love for her at all. She was a different person to him and he couldn't muster up any emotion apart from disgust.

"Whose is it?" was all he wanted to know. He hadn't a clue about this other man she was seeing but if there was a chance he might be a father, Ross wanted to know.

"Oh, I'm not sure," she replied, not sounding as embarrassed as Ross thought she ought to. "I'll get a test done and find out. I can let you know straight after." She sighed again. "Look, Ross, I think it'd be best if I went to stay with a friend tonight. Give you some space."

Ross couldn't believe the way she was acting, just as if they'd had a minor disagreement over shopping or something. Then again, as long as she was getting what she wanted, what else mattered?

"I think it would be best if you never came back," he spat, stalking past her to the bedroom, where he proceeded to throw as many of her clothes as he could grab into a holdall. He didn't want to be near her a moment longer. His hurt wasn't going to heal if she was hanging around acting as if she'd cut her knee rather than ended up expecting a baby. As he roughly zipped up the bag, a painful thought crossed his mind, exacerbating his hatred towards her.

"Here," he snapped, shoving the bag into her hands. "Leave a message when you know the test results." And with that, he slammed the bedroom door in her face, collapsing on the bed and waiting until he heard her leave before he let himself cry.

* * *

"It's a welcome feast!" Monica pulled back the cover on the food and smiled expectantly as everyone ooh-ed and aah-ed over the small buffet she'd prepared in honour of Rachel and Phoebe's first night in the apartment. Joey and Chandler were there as usual, and the five of them sat around the table in the kitchen and piled their plates high with various dishes.

"Wow, so you're a chef? That's really great," Rachel said, tasting one of the delicious mini-pies. "Do you have your own restaurant yet, because you really should!"

Monica tried to look bashful but her face betrayed her. "I know, I really should!" she squealed. "I'm working at one of the restaurants in the city but I'm going for a Head Chef interview in a couple of days. I'm pretty nervous."

"You'll be fine," Phoebe assured her. "This food is all brilliant. Well, apart from the meat stuff. I'm a vegetarian, you see."

Joey stared at her. "You don't eat meat? I never knew that!"

Monica rolled her eyes. "Don't worry Joe, she's still a person," she retorted. "Pheebs, Rachel told me about you being a vegetarian already, so I made you these vegetable pastries." She handed Phoebe a dish containing half a dozen pastries, which Phoebe accepted ravenously.

"You didn't have to go to all this trouble," Rachel said at last, once she'd eaten as much as she could possibly manage. "I mean, you're the one doing us a huge favour."

"It's no trouble," Monica replied, shrugging. "I enjoy cooking, and it makes a nice change to have people round my dinner table."

Chandler nodded. "Monica loves being the hostess," he said. "Even if it's not her party."

Monica stuck her tongue out at him, but she couldn't help smiling and admitting it was true. Rachel couldn't help looking at the pair of them and thinking how sweet they were together. She wished she could find that closeness with someone, and automatically her thoughts drifted to Ross, making her remember what else she had to do that evening.

However, it wasn't until after ten that Rachel finally managed to make a reasonable excuse and leave the flat, pulling on her coat as she headed out of the door after telling the others that she wanted to get some fresh air after everything that had happened. What she didn't tell them was that she'd sneaked a look at Monica's address book and found Ross' address in order that she could go round to his apartment and say sorry for the damage she had caused. She didn't realistically believe that he'd be interested in speaking to her while his marriage was in crisis, but the idea that he might hate her was too much for her to bear. She knew how sweet he was and he didn't deserve people like her messing up his life for him.

It only took Rachel ten minutes to reach Ross' building, and she didn't even have to buzz her way in, because a young man was leaving and held the door open for her. She thanked him with a smile and proceeded to go inside and up the two flights of stairs it apparently took to get to the right apartment. By the time she was standing outside, she felt extremely nervous and wondered if in fact she was doing a sensible thing. She wanted to apologise, yes, but maybe it was too soon and maybe he wouldn't want to see her.

Rachel lifted her hand to knock on the door and hesitated. She took a deep breath and decided that if walked away, she would keep feeling guilty and that wouldn't solve anything. So, mustering up a little courage, Rachel knocked on the door, running a hand through her hair as she waited for a response. When none came, she realised he could be out somewhere, but just in case, she shouted, "Ross? It's me, Rachel."

She waited about thirty seconds before starting to walk away with a heavy feeling that she'd really messed up, when she heard the door open behind her and whirled around. Ross was standing in the doorway, looking so sad and lost that it made Rachel's breath catch in her throat. She didn't know what to say, but he beckoned her inside and she followed, closing the door in her wake.

The flat was a mess. Clothes were apparently dumped on the floor and there was a make-up bag spilling its contents onto the once-clean rug. Around the coffee table lay shards of something resembling a mug, and there were various bits and pieces belonging to a woman which hadn't exactly been treated with care. It didn't take a rocket scientist to work out that Melissa was no longer welcome at this address.

Ross had sat down on the sofa and had his head in his hands. Rachel stood awkwardly by the door for a few moments before realising she'd come over, so it was up to her to explain herself.

"I'm sorry for barging in on you like this," she began, clasping her hands together absently. "I just… I feel terrible about what happened earlier, about what I said, and I'm so sorry, Ross. I know we haven't known each other well that long, really, but you've become a really good friend. I didn't mean to hurt you and cause you trouble. I honestly just wanted to defend you and…" Her shoulders sagged as she listened to what she was saying, and thought how trite it all had to sound when you'd found out your wife was having an affair. "I'm just sorry." She sighed and lifted her bag back onto her shoulder. "I think I should probably go. Sorry for annoying you."

Ross shook his head. "No, don't go, Rach." He rubbed at his eyes. "It might be better if I wasn't alone right now. I might do something stupid. Well, more stupid than marrying that…" He shook his head again.

"It's not your fault," Rachel said quickly, going over to the sofa despite herself. "It's her fault! And okay, mine too for opening my big mouth. But none of it is down to you. You've been nothing but great to me ever since you met me and you deserve much better than her."

Ross finally lifted his head. "Stop feeling guilty about earlier. You didn't do anything wrong, Rachel. I had to find out eventually, right? I understand what you thought the situation was and I appreciate you looking out for me."

Rachel frowned. "So you don't hate me?"

Ross actually smiled. "No, silly, of course I don't hate you. How could I hate you?"

She shrugged. "I dunno, I…"

He patted the seat beside him. "Sit beside me?"

She nodded and sat down, sliding her bag onto the floor and crossing her legs. She wasn't sure whether to look at him or give him a friendly hug, or say any more. The two of them remained quiet for a couple of minutes, but to Rachel it wasn't uncomfortable. It was companionable, and she liked it.

At length, Ross spoke again.

"Melissa's pregnant."

Rachel gasped. She couldn't help it. "Oh my God! She's pregnant? When did she spring this on you?"

"Not long ago," he confessed. "Hence my throwing her out and then breaking all her stuff." He rolled his eyes. "I'm mature, huh?"

Rachel laid a hand on his arm and squeezed gently. "Ross, honey, that is totally understandable. God, if it'd been me, I think I'd have kicked her ass! Seriously, you have every right to be furious with her!"

"Yeah. It might not even be mine. In fact, it's probably not, given the odds. She's been sleeping with him all the time and…" He blushed slightly. "We slept together once recently. I mean, it was the first time in ages and… I thought it was weird at the time. But now, I kinda have the feeling she was already pregnant and wanted to make me think I was the father. You know, she didn't bank on me finding out about her affair. And then I wouldn't be too suspicious and she'd probably milk me for maintenance and stuff." He sighed. "That all sounds terrible, doesn't it? You must think I'm paranoid."

Rachel didn't. She actually thought it made a lot of sense, and having met Melissa and seen the damage done by her, she wouldn't have been at all surprised if Ross' idea turned out to be true.

"You're not paranoid," she said quietly, rubbing his arm without even thinking. He smiled at her and she smiled back, and in that instant she knew she felt something for him that she'd never felt for anyone before. Even back in high school with her sweetheart, someone she'd believed herself to be in love with, nothing compared to the way he seemed to take her in, acknowledge her as a person rather than just another flimsy cheerleader.

And then, before she could move, Ross was leaning in towards her and automatically, she closed her eyes and waited. She wanted him to kiss her; she was dying to feel his lips on hers, despite the fact she knew that was a really bad idea, given the state he was in. Still, anticipation filled her senses as she felt him nearing…

He did kiss her – on the cheek. Her eyes flew open and she almost pulled back in sheer surprise, when she realised he was taking a pretty long time to give her a quick peck. She let a little sigh escape her as he pressed his lips to her skin, and she had to resist the strong urge to cup his face in her hands and force him into a proper kiss. When he drew away, however, she looked at him and was sure he must feel something for her too, something like she felt for him. Maybe it couldn't happen right now, but that wasn't to say it never could.

"Hey, how about I make us both a coffee?" she suggested after a moment in which she could have cut the tension between them with a knife. He nodded and she practically flew off the sofa, into the kitchen to make two cups of coffee. She barely noticed what she was doing as she went about it; all her thoughts were so concentrated on one person, sitting in the adjoining living room, his heart shattered.

* * *

**A/N:** Gah! So near and yet so far! I'm building up the tension here folks. And yeah, Iknow I totallystole the whole apartment burningdown thing, but what ya gonna do? ;)Hope you're still reading, because believe me, it'll all happen in the not-too-distant future! And in the meantime, keep reviewing, make my 2005 get off to a good start! ;) 


	9. Chapter Nine

**A/N: It's been over a year since I updated this fic! I had most of this chapter all done and decided to resurrect Crazy Love, I still like the story and I realise there were people kind enough to read and review, and you all deserve an ending! So I'll try to keep going. The updates might not be frequent but I won't give up. Okay? If you're still remotely interested in this fic, do please leave a review, it'd mean the world to me!  
**

**Chapter Nine**

Ross groaned as he opened his eyes and came face-to-face with the harsh glare of the midday sun. He hadn't been outside in two days, and hadn't even left his bed except to go to the bathroom and occasionally make something to eat which he'd always throw out. The main thing was, though, he just didn't feel like seeing or talking to anyone, so he had ignored all phone calls and a couple of door-knocks, in order to secrete himself within the confines of his room. He knew the others might be worried about him, but he didn't really care. None of them could help anyway.

Realising he was thirsty, Ross rolled out of bed and wrapped the duvet around himself before padding out to the kitchen, pausing to sigh at how rough he looked in the mirror on the wall. He hadn't washed or shaved since taking his self-imposed exile, and he ran his fingers over the substantial stubble. If he didn't watch he was going to have a beard before long, and that would really give Chandler ammunition. His hair was getting too long, as well, and he looked exhausted, even though he'd been asleep for most of the time. He hoped he hadn't looked this terrible when Rachel was round.

That wasn't the first time he'd let thoughts turn to Rachel, but it never became easier to do without wanting her so badly it physically hurt. It was wrong to be dreaming about her when he was still married and possibly a father, yet he didn't feel quite as guilty as he expected to. Maybe it was because he'd slowly come to terms with the fact that he and Melissa were over, or maybe it was just that Rachel was unbelievably hot and sweet and sexy and kind. And he'd managed to kiss her. Well, okay, it was only a kiss on the cheek, but the way her skin had felt and tasted remained vividly in Ross' mind. He hadn't meant to make her feel uncomfortable, as he imagined she must have done considering she left soon after making him coffee and a sandwich.

Just as Ross was trying to find milk that hadn't gone off – and failing miserably – there was a knock on the front door, and he sighed. He really wasn't in the mood to answer, but he didn't have much time to even decide before he heard the sound of a key in the lock, and in walked Monica, looking harassed and anxious. Her eyes widened when she rounded the corner and saw Ross.

"Oh my God!" she exclaimed, throwing her bag onto the sofa and walking over to him. "What the hell are you playing at? I've been so worried, Ross!" She hugged him tightly, and the duvet fell from his shoulders as he responded, unable to stop himself. It actually felt good to be hugging his sister without any stupid complications, and to top it all off, Monica gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Yeah, I know, not often that happens," she joked. "Seriously, I've been calling loads, and you haven't called back. I thought maybe something had happened, but I didn't want to bother you if it was to do with Melissa, and…"

Ross shrugged. "I just didn't want to see anyone." He frowned. "Nothing in my fridge is edible. How did that happen?"

Monica pulled on his hand and dragged him across to the bathroom. "You go in here and please have a shower," she said firmly, "and I'll make you lunch. Deal?"

She drove a pretty decent bargain. "Okay. Thanks Mon."

"No problem." She smiled and closed the bathroom door behind him.

Ross had to admit, it did feel good to be standing under hot water, closing his eyes and resting his head against the tiles. In here, no one could get him; he was safe. He tilted his face to the water and gasped as it hit him in welcome torrents, flattening his hair and making little drops form on the end of his nose and his chin.

Twenty minutes later, he finally emerged from the shower and set about brushing his teeth and shaving, things he suddenly felt a big urge to do now that he'd showered. Once that was all done, he pulled on his dressing gown, which was hanging on the back of the door, and ran a hand through his wet hair, not that he was that bothered. The smell of bacon was permeating through the gap between door and floor, and he went out to see Monica completely at home in the middle of his kitchen, with the radio on and lots of things cooking.

"Hey!" she said brightly when she saw him. "It's nearly ready. I sorted out some clothes for you; they're in your bedroom, okay? Don't be long!"

Ross couldn't help rolling his eyes affectionately at his sister and her impossible efficiency, as he shut the bedroom door behind him and dressed into the jeans and shirt she'd laid out for him on the bed.

"You'll make a brilliant wife one day," he joked as he wandered back out to be met with a huge plate of food that was bad health-wise, but good in every other way. Monica had made some for herself, too, so they sat down comfortably together and Ross gratefully started to eat his first meal in two days.

"I know," Monica replied, shrugging. "Any man would be lucky to have me." She grinned. "You're lucky to have me."

"Very," he agreed. "Look, Mon, I'm sorry I haven't been in touch and made you worry. I just… I couldn't face everyone pretending to feel sorry for me when they haven't got a clue."

"Ross, that's not fair," she scolded gently. "We all do care about you, very much. Joey and Chandler included, even if they give you a hard time instead of showing it. They're just as worried as I am, and so are Rachel and Phoebe. Phoebe even wrote you a song."

"A song? I didn't know Phoebe wrote songs."

Monica nodded. "She does. She plays guitar and sings quirky little things. Anyway, those two haven't known you properly for very long at all, and they've asked about you every day." She paused. "And Rachel told me she came to see you. She didn't say what happened but I told her off a little. I didn't think she should be imposing on you when you obviously didn't want company."

"Oh no, that's not how it was," Ross shook his head. "She wasn't bothering me. She wondered how I was. She was there, you see, when I found out about Melissa, and she felt bad because she'd kinda stood up for me. I mean, I wasn't planning to see anyone, but Rachel… she's different, Mon. She really seemed to want to listen to me, and she…" He sighed and found he couldn't say any more without giving away his feelings for Rachel.

Luckily – or perhaps not – Monica was aware of that already. "Ross, I know you like Rachel, okay? It's pretty obvious. And I'm not saying you shouldn't, she's lovely and very sweet. But don't you think you should deal with Melissa and your marriage and stuff before dreaming about someone else? It just doesn't seem like you."

Monica's words were like a replica of Ross' own thoughts, and he was relieved she'd voiced them. Yet he wasn't sure she was right. Melissa appeared determined to wreck his life and make him miserable, and of course, he was devastated at the burnt-out relationship with the woman he'd imagined was his soulmate but not to the extent that he wanted to shut out other possibilities altogether. It wasn't that he considered for a moment that Rachel might actually like him in that way, he just didn't want to end up lonely and bitter because he wasn't able to face up to the truth. It helped a bit that Melissa's affair, when all was said and done, in fact wasn't that much of a shock when he remembered how distant she'd been over the past couple of months.

"I don't have a chance in hell with someone like Rachel," he sighed, playing with the half-eaten egg on his plate. "That's not what this is about. I need to get over Melissa, Mon. I know it'll take time, but I haven't left this place in two days and it didn't make me feel any better. I'm still really upset, it's just… I like dreaming." He smiled somewhat sheepishly, and Monica leaned over to hug him. "Oh yeah, there's more news," he added when they drew apart. "Melissa told me she's pregnant, and she's not sure who the father is." When Monica let out a gasp, he held up a hand. "It's okay, Mon, I'm pretty sure I can't be the father. We've only slept together once in the past four months and I think that was after she got pregnant. I wasn't meant to find out about the affair, you see, and it had to be believable that I got her pregnant." He laughed shortly. "I would have believed it, too, if I didn't know…" He found anger welling up inside him and took a deep breath.

"You know what I think?" she said, after a few moments. "I think you should come and hang out with us today, get back in the way of things. Rachel started working at the coffee house and I promised we'd stop by, as if we ever do anything else."

Ross laughed; it made him feel better. "Well, that's true. Sure, why not?" He didn't mention to Monica that the idea of seeing Rachel was incentive enough, but he had the sneaking suspicion that his sister already knew.

XXXXXX

Over the last two days, Rachel had discovered something about herself that she hadn't known before, and it had come as a startling revelation.

She hated making coffee.

Not only that, she was useless at it. The number of complains received about her was growing by the hour, and the 'I'm new' excuse didn't seem to be working in the slightest. The only people cutting her any slack were her friends, who barely drank their coffee for all the talking they did, so it never mattered too much if she got their orders right. She wished the other customers could be equally as unfussy.

"I think you're doing great," Phoebe said encouragingly as she sat at the counter and sipped an iced tea. "I mean, I'd be so rubbish at waitressing, I'd probably be fired on the first day."

Rachel eyed her. "Pheebs, didn't you used to be a waitress in Kentucky? I remember you telling me you did it for a year!"

"No, that wasn't waitressing," Phoebe said, shaking her head. "That was standing around wearing a very low-cut top so that men would come in and order stuff. It wasn't real, not like this job."

Rachel supposed it was a compliment of sorts, so she smiled and went over to the woman in the corner who had ordered a peppermint tea. It was on her way back to the counter that she heard the door open, and turned automatically to see who it was, as she always did. She couldn't hold back the small smile that crossed her face when she saw Ross coming in with Monica, Joey and Chandler following. They all took their usual places on the sofa and chairs, but not before Monica had waved to Rachel and Ross had glanced over, making her smile wider. He smiled back, and it was a blushing Rachel who went back to Phoebe.

"Oh my God, you are so in love with him!" Phoebe exclaimed.

Rachel was mortified. "Pheebs, keep your voice down!" she hissed. "And no, for your information, I am not in love with anyone. I was just saying hello."

"You never say hello to me like that," Phoebe pointed out. "Although if you did, I'd have to worry that you wanted to be more than friends."

Rachel sighed. "Look, I know what you think about me having these… these feelings for someone who's married. But Pheebs, I can't do anything about it! Believe me, I've tried! And his wife's a complete bitch who doesn't deserve him."

Phoebe nodded. "I know, you told me that. I agree, she sounds horrible. That's not the issue, though! Rach, if you're not careful you're gonna get hurt, because I can assure you there's no way he's anywhere near over her yet, no matter what he says. And now he might be a dad, and I mean, could you handle that?"

Rachel shrugged, leaning on the counter and letting her eyes drift over to Ross, who was listening to something Chandler was saying. She didn't know if she could handle it; all she knew was, she wanted the chance to try. Ross was someone special, the kind of guy that didn't come along every day. Most guys pushed their luck where Rachel was concerned, but Ross wasn't like that. He cared about her and he was funny and sweet and… Rachel let out a tiny moan of longing, and when she looked up, Phoebe was watching her with sympathy.

"Rach…"

"Don't say it, please. Whatever it is, I can guarantee it's already crossed my mind. I can't let him slip away, Pheebs, can I? I'm not about to make a move right now, or ask him out in a week or anything. I totally understand it'll take him a while to even accept Melissa's gone. It doesn't mean I can't dream, does it? He's my friend, and I want to be there for him no matter if he's interested in me or not."

Phoebe nodded. "I know." She sighed too. "To be honest I don't think things are working out for me and Joey, either."

"Really? What's happened?"

"Nothing in particular. We have a laugh and enjoy each other's company, but I really don't think he's into a proper relationship, and I don't want to be tied down. I'm gonna talk to him and see if he thinks we should stay friends. I think we'd be great friends."

The two girls smiled at one another, and then Rachel went over to speak to Monica, who had been gesturing for a couple of minutes.

"Bring Phoebe too!" she said, and Phoebe came and sat on the sofa beside Ross. Rachel perched on the arm, trying to make it look as if she was in the middle of taking an order. "Okay, we've got a gig tomorrow night and you guys are of course invited," Monica said to Rachel and Phoebe. "However, we have one small problem arising within the band."

"Small? That's putting it mildly," Chandler interrupted, looking perturbed.

"Ross wants to leave." Monica didn't seem very pleased judging by the tone of her voice, which was forced-cheerful. Rachel stole a glance at Ross, who was staring down towards the floor, avoiding anyone's gaze. He looked decidedly unhappy.

"You do? Why?" Phoebe asked. "You guys are a great band, you can't start leaving and stuff!"

"Apparently real jobs are more important," Joey said sarcastically, glaring at Ross.

"They are," Ross replied, still refusing to look up. "In case you didn't hear me before, I might be having a child, and I can't keep messing around with a stupid hobby like the band. I need to concentrate on work and making money."

"But you can do both!" Monica insisted, as if Ross was being very stupid. "We've done it for long enough now, what's the deal now? You don't even think the baby's yours, so what difference will that make?"

Rachel felt those words as keenly as if they'd been directed at her. She thought Monica and the others were being pretty unfair. Ross was so upset and disorientated that she realised he was probably just going with an initial reaction that he hadn't thought through, but the issue of the baby and Melissa was weighing very heavily on his mind.

"Hey, maybe I should get everyone some coffee, and you can discuss this properly, huh?" Rachel stood up. "And I realise I'm new and everything, but I think you three should give Ross some time to get over what's happened before shouting at him for thinking about the future."

With that, she turned and walked back to the coffee machine, her heart pounding so loudly in her ears that she was sure it had to be audible to everyone in the coffee shop. She never usually stood up to people like that, but something inside her had bent a little bit.

Two minutes later, Monica was in front of the counter.

"Mon, I am really sorry about what I just said," Rachel said. "It was out of order, I didn't mean to. It just reminded me of some other situation, nothing to do with you guys, and I shouldn't have interfered. It's got nothing to do with me, and like I said, I'm sorry."

"No, don't be," Monica said quietly. "I don't know what got into me. I was the one who persuaded Ross to come outside and get away from that flat, and look at me now. The prospect of losing our position on the club circuit makes me turn into some mad competitive freak. I didn't mean it either. I'm worried about Ross, and I think if he stops doing the one fun thing he has in his life, he'll lose it altogether."

Rachel nodded. "I agree. I'm worried too. He's been so nice to me. What is with this Melissa? She seems nuts to me."

Monica rolled her eyes. "Oh, she is nuts. It took her a while to reveal her true colours, though. I used to think she was such a cool girl, great sister-in-law, blah blah, but then I started to see how she'd manipulate Ross and have him saying and doing whatever she wanted. He was so in love, how could he see what she was actually like? I tried to tell him a couple of times but he got really mad with me and I couldn't bring it up again. Now look what she's done. Wrecked my brother. I could kill her, I swear."

Monica may have been a small person, but Rachel was under no doubt that she meant exactly what she said.

"And I also wanted to apologise for telling you off about visiting Ross. I was just worried, but I spoke to him and he explained how much you'd helped and… I guess I was being overprotective."

Rachel smiled. "Don't worry about it. I don't blame you."

"Well, he seems to really like you," Monica went on, "so maybe you could have a word with him about the band thing? I want him to have something to do in his spare time, and to be honest once Melissa pisses off and has another man's baby, what else is Ross gonna do except sink into a depression?"

Rachel didn't honestly think she was any use at talking, but she agreed anyway, liking the way Monica had started to trust her and consider her a proper close friend. Ever since she and Phoebe had moved into Monica's, Rachel felt that the three of them were quickly bonding together, a bit like being in dorms at university. She appreciated it, and if she admitted it to herself, she was rather glad the old flat was no longer her home.

So, when Monica and Chandler had gone back to work, and Phoebe had taken Joey back to the apartment for a 'conversation', Rachel went over and sat beside Ross on the sofa, handing him a muffin. He looked up.

"Paying you back for the one you bought me," she said with a small smile, and he actually laughed as he took the plate from her.

"Mon sent you, didn't she?" he said, half-way through the muffin, during which time Rachel hadn't been sure what on earth to say.

"I… uh…" Rachel knew she was blushing. He didn't want to talk to her, that much was clear. "Sort of… But I wanted to sit here, anyway. I know I'm not like your best friend or your sister or anything but I just wanted you to know I'm here for you. You've been so sweet to me since we met and I'm sorry this has all happened to you. You deserve better, and one day you'll find it." She smiled again, patting his arm before moving to get up – and felt his hand on her arm, pulling her back.

"Rachel, please stay," he said, a pleading look in his eyes. He didn't need it; she would have stayed just from the way he said her name, as if no one else had been christened that before, or if they had, they didn't do it justice. "Look, I'm sorry too. I'm not… acting like myself at the moment, because of the whole thing with Melissa. It's not because I don't want to talk to you, or that I don't consider you close to me. I do. I dunno. It's weird. I feel as if we've known each other a long time."

She nodded. "That's how I feel. I've never had a real male friend before, you know? I mean, someone I could trust, who I believed liked me without his whole motive being sex." She sighed. "God, I must sound so stupid."

Ross shook his head, turning to face her on the sofa. "You don't, not at all. I'm sure you can't blame men for feeling that way about you, though."

She looked at him, ready to explain how actually, being hit on for the sake of it wasn't a fun experience at all, and realised with a jump of her heart that he was actually flirting with her, or attempting to. She laughed.

"I can't say I've thought about it before," she replied. "I'm just another girl they fancy their chances with. What's to feel?"

"Lots," he said earnestly, leaning forwards. She couldn't take her eyes away from his, in which all his emotions were easily betrayed. Right now, he was nervous as hell. "Oh God, what am I doing?" He shook his head and his shoulders dropped. "I shouldn't even be speaking to you right now, not when I'm so fucked up, but Rach…" He looked up at her again, and her stomach did a funny flip. There was something extra behind his eyes this time that she hadn't noticed before. It looked a bit like desire. Could it be that perhaps he shared the feelings she'd developed for him?

"Yes?" Her pulse was racing, he was so close to her now that if she was stupidly brave and moved forwards about a foot, they'd surely end up kissing. The thought alone was enough to make her mind spin.

"I'm useless at this. I'm sorry." He spread his hands. "I… I like you, okay? I have done since I saw you at the club, but I'm married, and it's all a huge mess, and I don't even think I should be contemplating someone else while I'm confused about Melissa. And I totally realise you're probably not remotely interested, and that's fine, I understand, but I had to tell you, even though I'm now wishing I really hadn't." As if to back up the point, Rachel noticed the very tips of his ears turning red, and it endeared him to her even more.

Now she leaned in, but only to recklessly grab his hand and squeeze it. "Ross, you are so incredibly wonderful. I am so interested, you wouldn't believe it!" She laughed when he stared at her, as if not daring to believe she'd said that. "How could you not tell? But I agree, you're in this situation and I don't think you're ready to date yet. Do you? I mean, it's up to you how you feel, but I'm not sure we should even go there until you're over Melissa. It wouldn't be fair on any of us. The moment you feel better, let me know, and we can see what happens."

Ross nodded, somewhat shyly, and they exchanged a tentative smile. Now it had been said, Rachel was very relieved. She wasn't carrying a massive burden any more, and now she knew he wanted to go out with her, she could have sung with joy. Yet she knew they had a long way to go before they could really be together, before Ross was free of his wife and the trouble she'd brought.

"You know, I'd kiss you now, but I don't think I'd be able to stop."

That was probably the single sweetest thing anyone had said to Rachel in her life, and it was all she could do not to take the decision right out of his hands there and then. Instead, she smiled at him again, and said she had to get back to work, which wasn't a lie. She went across to serve a middle-aged man, and when she went back to the counter, she saw that Ross had gone, and the sofa was unoccupied. She sighed, and set about making a cappuccino.

"You did what? Are you crazy?"

Ross stepped back from the force of Monica's voice. He'd anticipated such a reaction, but it was still loud close up. He shrugged and helped himself to one of the freshly-baked cookies Monica had made that evening.

"I'm not crazy. I'm actually taking control of my life."

"By messing it up even more? God, Ross, you can't just tell Rachel how you feel without sorting yourself out first!"

"Why not?"

Monica looked ready to explode with frustration. "Because the girl likes you too, for whatever weird reason, and this isn't gonna make her feel any better! It'll be awkward between you now, because you both know each other's feelings but you can't do anything about them!"

Ross truly didn't understand why Monica was so worked up. To him, it had made perfect sense to admit to Rachel that he liked her. If he hadn't, he might have sent himself round the bend thinking about her all the time, coupled with invasive thoughts about Melissa and her baby. It was unbelievable that Rachel had told him the way she felt was the same, and if things had been different circumstantially, Ross knew where he'd be right now, and it wasn't standing here, arguing with his sister.

"Mon, in case you haven't noticed, stuff like this doesn't happen to me very often," he said, walking over to the sofa and sitting down. Monica sat on the coffee table so she was facing him. "Someone as incredible as Rachel liking me back. And yeah, it's not the best timing, but we've cleared the air and we know we have something we can try once I'm ready to. She doesn't mind, Mon. She was so sweet about it. You know, I do remember seeing her in high school a few times, passing her in the corridor on my way to science class, and I'd think how lucky a guy would be to get a chance with her. Well, I have a chance with her!"

_If I sound half as obsessive out loud as I do in my head, man…_

Monica sighed. "I know, Ross. I mean, I get it. I'm really happy Rachel feels more than friendship for you, I am. I'm just worried about you, after the whole Melissa thing. She's treated you like shit, and she might be expecting your baby. If you get carried away with Rachel…"

"I'm not getting carried away," Ross said quietly. "I'm having an open mind about stuff. I don't want to spend the rest of the year miserable about Melissa, who doesn't care about me in the slightest. I need something more, something to look forward to."

"I know."

"But you're right about sorting myself out, which is why I'm going away for a week or so."

"You are? Where?"

"Back to Mum and Dad's. I need a bit of space, Mon. I'll be home really soon. It's probably best if I'm out of everyone's way, including Rachel's."

His mind was made up. He needed time and space to think everything through, away from the distractions (good and bad) that Rachel and Melissa provided.

**A/N: **Ah go onnnnn, review? Pretty pleeeeeease? You know you wanna...! ;)


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